There is a powerful movement all around us. Can you feel it? Women are transforming, using their intuition and coming together to make a difference in their personal lives and in the world.

This weekend twenty women met at the Sanctuary Spa in Scottsdale, Arizona to look deeply inside themselves, learn some vital strategies, speak their truths and figure out how to access their beauty and wisdom.

Dena Patton, founder of Chat Chew & Chocolate, organized the retreat and invited speakers (Ali Vincent from the reality show The Biggest Loser; Martha Beck, writer for Oprah magazine; Randi Smith-Todorovski, martial arts and yoga instructor; and your own Dr.RKG, to teach, lead and participate in dynamic conversations, experiential exercises and workshops.

We practiced yoga and meditated, ate chocolate and fabulous health food, and, we shared our stories. We told stories of each of us bearing pain and loss. Each of us discovering how to move forward and be the extraordinary women we were meant to be.

Creating the balance of rest and play became one of the central themes, so that we are filled, rejuvenated and able to go back in an empowered way into the multiple roles we assume as women.

Martha Beck talked about Athena the Goddess of Wisdom as being a wonderful metaphor for women today. She explained that we are moving away from the patriarchal order of Zeus the God of War. We need to embrace our emotional and spiritual selves and tap into the collective wisdom of women.

Unlike men – who when stressed enter the “fight or flight response” – women generally have a very different instinctual response to stress called “tend and befriend.” We like to gather with our friends and family and share our experiences. Women by nature are intuitive beings and often ‘steer their course by starlight’.

We are preparing for a transformation of consciousness in an age of wisdom. According to Martha we are entering the new age of enlightenment, which will be championed by women.

Love and compassion alter the experience of pain and suffering. That same love and compassion will guide us through the darkness of war and the destruction of our planet.

To embrace our love and compassion, first we must heal ourselves through self-care and fulfilling relationships. Then when our hearts are full we will be able to overflow healing energy to all the other people in our lives.

Practice going through your day with self-love. Whenever your mind drifts away from that place, gently bring your awareness back to self-love and compassion. This is how we move into the awareness of Athena, the ability to feel our sense of joy, peace and humanity.

What do you need to do to better love yourself?

Whether we realize it or not, we are constantly in a state of flux. We awaken to the idea of change or transition when we are struck by something significant – loss, divorce, illness, vacation, birth, or death… Suddenly our worlds have shifted. We see and interpret events through a different lens, perhaps for the moment, perhaps forever.

Change shifts us from one state of being to another. Whether physical, emotional, situational, or spiritual, the human experience is about being in transition. Change is natural and inevitable. It can lead to improvement or deterioration. Often we have a choice in the outcome of the change, especially when we have good resiliency and relationship skills.

Autumn is a time of transition. The warmth of summer gives way to crisp air, the first leaves begin to fall. Students head back to school, adults get back to work after vacations. The bright colors of summer morph into the warmer tones of yellow, orange and red.

When something is ending we eventually discover the seed of a new beginning and potential for growth. New possibilities are set into motion alongside of our loss. When we are ready for a fresh beginning, new horizons emerge. How we manage change, transition or endings in our lives today usually correlates strongly with how we have handled it in the past.

For those of us who struggle when things become undone, there are strategies that can be learned that make transitions easier and smoother.

Strategies for managing transitions in your life:

• Recognize that all things DO change

• Seek to understand the meaning and implications of the transition or loss (whether is it a move, divorce, death, loss of job, illness…)

• Mindful meditation cultivates the ability to see and experience things as they really are. Practicing meditation allows one to look reflectively at life experiences, making it easier to accept the reality that accompanies change.

• Maintain a daily journal to record feelings and thoughts, to gain insight into the effect the transition is having on you and your loved ones.

• Gather and nourish your friendships and support system on a regular basis. Then you will have your ‘tribe’ in place to help you through challenges and to celebrate successes and joyful times.

Gather and nourish your friendships and support systems on a regular basis. Then you will have your ‘tribe’ in place to help you through challenging and to celebrate successes and joyful times.

How do you successfully manage changes in your life?

My heart weighed heavy this week. Empty nest pangs gnawing at me yet again. My two college age children headed back to their respective schools in upstate New York and Delaware. I cherished our time together as a family during their summer break as never before. No fancy vacations, no beach time together, none of our usual summer rituals. This summer was devoted to helping Mom get back on her feet after a difficult surgery and reviving her usual active life.

The golden lining of this challenging time was experiencing the depth of love and compassion that deeply bonds our family together. I did not fully appreciate the beautiful beings my children have turned into. They had never been put to the test before. Amy and Max rose to the occasion of caring for me like nothing else could matter more.

Amy carefully doled out medications three times daily, prepared meals, changed linens and folded laundry. Max grocery shopped, ran errands and took our beloved dog, Kooper, for long walks, even on the hottest days. Not that they didn’t have moments of enjoying their own summer, but their selflessness trumped all the other activities in a powerful way.

Everyone handled the disappointment of canceled vacation time with sensitivity and grace. The most amazing part was how much fun we managed to have together as a family, even under difficult circumstances. Friends and neighbors visited and brought meals, treats and fresh flowers, a steady flow of love from our community.

As we packed bags for their return to college and organized clothes, toiletries, and accoutrements for every weather condition and situation that might arise, I reflected to myself about how different July and August felt from summers past. Something changed for each of us  – like for my babies who matured overnight into young, caring adults.

I vividly remember all the years my husband, Martin and I devoted to our children, making sure every earache, boo-boo, tantrum and sadness was tended to. Early on we decided that our most important job in life, despite our busy careers, was our role as parents. We spent many sleepless nights and scrambled days caring for our children in one way or another. It did not occur to me until recently how they absorbed the lessons of loving kindness and selflessness.

The morning Amy and Max left for their respective schools, I unsuccessfully tried to hold back my tears. Hard to believe I had to deal with an empty nest once again. I hugged them harder than usual and gave them kisses until they gently pulled away.

What is your experience with the empty nest?

Judy Quint exercises the way most women breathe. It is an essential component of her life. So far she has become a certified Zumba® instructor, an attorney specializing in real estate transactions, and a devoted daughter, wife, mother and friend. She has run the Boston Marathon and beaten a rare disease into submission. One gets the feeling there isn’t anything Judy Quint cannot do once she puts her mind to it. She exudes enthusiasm, passion and a lovely, gentle energy.

“Only child” in a family of four children

Shyrlie and Sam Shriberg with baby Judy, August 1959

Judy came from an interesting family structure. Her mother was 42 and her father 52 when they had Judy, 15 years following the birth of their three sons. Judy’s mother went to her oldest brother’s college graduation when she was pregnant with her baby girl. In essence, she was like an “only child” in a family with four children.

While growing up in Newton, Massachusetts Judy’s father chronically battled a heart condition and diabetes. His legs needed to be amputated when Judy turned 12, shortly before her bat mitzvah. She spent countless hours helping him to learn how to walk with prosthetic legs and pushing him in his wheelchair.

Judy was 16 when her father succumbed to his compromised health issues. Rather than focusing on the loss of her dad, Judy expressed the gratitude she felt for having spent so much quality time with him those last years.

The next 30 years Judy devoted to caring for her mother as she lived locally and her brothers lived across the country. During that time she also raised her own family. Four years ago Judy’s mother died. Judy cherished their relationship and supported her in every way possible to the end.

Pursuing a Career in Law

Judy pursued her personal and professional life as she cared for her aging mother. She graduated from Ithaca College with a sociology major. Judy originally wanted to go to law school to specialize in health law. “I wanted to help women who were being subjected to unwanted hysterectomies by their doctors as an easy solution to their medical problems and trying to lower the population. I wanted to work primarily with Hispanic women as I had a Spanish minor in college and wanted to combine that skill with serving women through the practice of law.”

“When I look back on this early career decision I see that my interest in health was there from the beginning.” After Judy graduated from New England School of Law, her first job was in a law firm that specialized in real estate law and thus began her career. Choosing this job took Judy away from her intended path, but got her on track for going out on her own within a few years. She became her own boss, allowing Judy to make her own schedule so she could care for her mother and later her children.

Marriage, Family and a Rare Diagnosis

Judy got married at the age of 22 following her first year of law school. After experiencing three years of infertility treatment and a miscarriage, Judy at last gave birth to her daughter and thereafter had two more healthy children without medical assistance.

She raised her kids, developed her career as a lawyer and visited her mother everyday in her assisted living home. Now two of her children have been “launched” and are off at college. After her son graduates from high school, Judy and her husband will officially be empty nesters.

Quint Family

Several years ago Judy was diagnosed with a rare autoimmune disease called Pemphigus Vulgaris. Even the name sounds unpleasant. She endured two years of experimental treatment after suffering painful mouth and throat sores that prevented her from eating solid foods for those two years. Judy braved a difficult treatment protocol and is now in remission. She prays that she never experiences a flare up of the painful disease, as there is no known cure.

Judy shared that, “Going through the treatment is similar to what cancer patients do when they receive chemo. The disease made me miserable, but also taught me to live each day fully. I never waste any time putting things off for the future. I want to take it all in now and not sweat the small stuff.” She looked me in the eyes and said, “Life is such a precious gift and we need to embrace it.”

Judy said that she “…always regretted that I did not do what I truly wanted to do in law, which was health care law. But I persevered knowing that someday I would do what I really enjoy and what would make a difference to others.”

Exercise and Health

Judy exercises for her physical and psychological well being. She explained that her genetic predisposition to heart disease, diabetes and high blood pressure made it essential for her to keep a healthy weight and strong body. Although she hated gym class as a young girl, Judy loved the camaraderie of being on a team, which inspired her to improve her skills and make the volleyball team.

During college and law school she sporadically ran, played tennis and worked out, which helped her manage stress and stay in reasonably good shape. Judy realized that she felt more energetic and productive after doing some cardiovascular activity for about an hour 3-4 times weekly. “I kept my weight in check and exercised throughout my 3 pregnancies.”

Judy confesses she “… got hooked. I realized that exercise was essential to my physical and mental well being. I found the magic pill to manage my stress and that was working out.”

Judy Quint and Jamie Gossels cross the Boston Marathon finish line in 1999

Shortly before her fortieth birthday Judy began running more consistently. One day she approached one of her friends and together they decided to run the Boston Marathon. They also combined this goal with raising money for the Leukemia Society. Judy and Jamie diligently prepared for this most challenging event laughing, crying and sharing along the way.

“My body was not made for running long distance. I had big hips, a big tush and extra body fat. I pushed myself and spent time in physical therapy helping me work through pain issues. But I had a goal and I was determined to reach it.

Having my family, including my husband, three kids, youngest brother and his family and especially my mom watching me cross that finish line was my greatest triumph. I realized at that moment I could do absolutely anything if I put my mind to it.”

Judy Quint's bulls-eye shot first time she tried, with son Michael in 2003

Zumba® with Judy

Three years ago Judy took a Zumba® class on a whim with a friend. Although she could not easily learn the combinations, she felt an immediate attraction for this dynamic and effective fitness system that incorporates a fusion of Latin and international music.

“I loved participating in Zumba® classes because I needed to focus on the movement and beat and could not be thinking of my ‘to do’ list. Zumba® class is like taking a mini vacation. It is a time to express myself and enjoy the movements of my body. The heavy sweating is the icing on the cake!”

In a matter of months she was again ‘hooked’ and went on to earn her certification as a Zumba® instructor shortly before her 49th birthday. “I was not intimidated by all the skinny twenty year olds taking the class because I knew I would find my own niche. I felt passion and a calling to make something of this.”

Judy Quint teaches a Zumba® class

Once Judy began teaching, her infectious enthusiasm for Zumba® drew women into her classes. The upbeat music, great moves, fun connections and overall great workout, keeps them coming. She says her students seem more radiant, happy and energized after Zumba® class. The women rock out together and before and after class they share their stories.

Judy feels blessed to finally be able to do what makes her truly happy. She still handles real estate closings in between teaching her classes. “I appreciate the law work. It keeps my mind focused. But I’m so much happier now knowing that my Zumba® classes are awaiting me.”

Volunteering and other passions

Judy’s other passions include spending time with her family, the Red Sox, Bruce Springsteen concerts, travel, biking, the beach, reading, and of course dancing.

In addition Judy volunteers in various organizations such as breast cancer and Leukemia research, World ORT (an organization to educate people to become self-sufficient), President of her Wayland synagogue, and Second Step (organization helping victims of domestic violence). She has also walked in the Avon 2-Day event to raise money for breast cancer research.

Judy Quint and friend finish the Avon 2-day walk

Twenty-five years after Judy graduated law school and began her career, she went full circle back to her interest in health care. Caring for her own body and the physical and psychological well-being of her students through Zumba® brings Judy in touch with her deepest passion.

When asked if she had a favorite saying Judy ran the question by some girlfriends that she faithfully walks with every Sunday. “They said I always say ‘Go for it’ – no matter what they are trying to do with their lives. Apparently I always tell them to stop thinking about it and just go for it. I encourage them each week to cross something new off their ‘to do’ list and then report back to me what they have done.” Judy naturally sees beyond the usual limits for herself as well as her students and friends. She makes it her life work to support and challenge others to realize their unlimited potential.

Did you know that the average age of an adventure traveler is not a twenty-something year old male, but rather a 47-year-old female? According to the Adventure Travel Trade Association, fifty-two percent of adventure travelers are women and those numbers are rising rapidly.

As women become more powerful in the workforce, they are also finding themselves interested in compelling philanthropic travel adventures around the globe that help improve the lives of others.

Beth, a social worker for 20 years with two children in college, found herself wanting more out of her life. Over the years Beth and her family went on modest vacations that she always enjoyed. With all the members of her immediate circle healthy and going about their lives without any major problems, at first Beth could not identify what was missing for her. Good marriage, good kids, good job – not perfect – but “good enough” as we psychologists often refer to it. Yet Beth still found something lacking in her world. Turns out, she was in the throes of an important life transition. Her nest now empty, Beth took the time to consider more deeply what she needed to do in this next phase of her life.

Initially Beth questioned her marriage and work situation. After some detailed discussions and a considerable amount of introspection, she realized that these aspects of her life were not the issue. Beth realized that she needed to tap into an inner passion that had long been on hold since raising her children.

Beth decided to research travel opportunities during school breaks. Her husband, an executive in a pharmaceutical company, was deeply engaged in his work and could not get away during this time. Layoffs in his company had been rampant and he needed to maintain a presence.

Ultimately Beth planned her time off not just for the sake of “aimless travel” as she referred to it, but to turn her travel experience into a philanthropic opportunity. She investigated numerous organizations that offered “…socially-conscious travel…committed to helping individuals and small groups create meaningful life experiences through Travel Philanthropy in some of the world’s most inspiring destinations…[and] committed to leaving a positive footprint in each region-helping to preserve the past and enrich the future.”

In the end Beth made her first philanthropic travel experience within the United States. She spent a week in early March working with Habitat for Humanity in New Orleans. During that time she hammered away with other volunteers and witnessed a house taking shape. She built friendships with people from around the country, who all came together to make a difference. Beth found the experience exhilarating and profoundly enriching. She is already looking into her next philanthropic travel adventure.

“It’s what each of us sows, and how, that gives to us character and prestige. Seeds of kindness, goodwill, and human understanding, planted in fertile soil, spring up into deathless friendships, big deeds of worth, and a memory that will not soon fade…”
~George Matthew Adams

Beth discovered how she could successfully combine her love of travel with adventure, philanthropy and surprising connections. She says this is the first step towards her personal transformation.

If you took a similar trip, where would you go and what would you want to do?

Last night I went to yet another shiva. In the Jewish tradition we practice the ritual of shiva when somebody dies. Family, neighbors and members of the community visit the person in mourning – in this case it was a close friend whose father died. We sit together, say prayers, share memories about the lost beloved and eat. We eat to remind us that there is still sweetness and pleasure to be derived for the living. Invariably the shiva turns to reflection, conversation, and sometimes laughter. The energy shifts to one of connection and love. Community is at the core of sitting shiva.

My friends and I have entered a new phase of life. We are a group of friends that evolved over the years from the countless carpools, school committees, fundraisers, sports activities, and back-to-school nights that we shared in raising our children. Most of us also shared the passages of our children as they went through religious rituals. Together we celebrate the happy occasions and blessings in our lives, help each other through difficult transitions and we mourn our losses together.

Now, we are smack in the middle of “the sandwich generation.” Our children are going off to college and launching into their own adulthoods while our aging parents are grappling with illness and death. It is a time of loss. Moreover it is a time when it behooves each of us to enjoy every sweet moment possible. The cycle of life has never been more apparent.

The last six months I have mourned the deaths of seven elders, two from my own family and the others from families of dear friends. Not only do we mourn the loss of our parents and elders but also the link with the earlier parts of our lives. We become more keenly aware of our own mortality, for we know as they die we move closer to the front lines.

We come together during this time of mourning, because it softens our pain and experience of bereavement in untold ways. It gives us strength and solace. We join in honoring a life well lived and appreciate our close friendships all the more. Loss is a guarantee as we move through life. The question is how do we navigate this extraordinarily difficult time with compassion and courage, without losing our balance?

How do you move through your own losses?

Meeting Marla for the first time you would never guess that this successful watercolorist traded a lucrative career in finance for the sake of her creative muse and family harmony. Now the risk she took seems like the right decision but at the time it was far from a sure bet. How did Marla make the transition from high-heels and power suits to paint brushes and canvases?

"An Apple A Day" by Marla Greenfield, watercolor on paper

Marla entered the predominantly male investment business directly after receiving her MBA from Boston University in the early 1980, joining the ranks of a small institutional investment banking firm specializing in emerging growth companies. She stepped up to the challenge with gusto, grew fabulous accounts, and became a star on the team. Marla was young, smart, and passionate about her work.

During that time, Marla met her soul mate, Jim, who also worked in the investment business. After Marla and Jim married in 1983, they traveled, shared a multitude of adventures and after six years of work and play decided to start their family.

Fortunately Marla’s pregnancy went well and she gave birth to a beautiful daughter, Anna. Marla loved being a mother, yet she also longed to return to the excitement of her work. Three months after Anna’s birth, Marla hired a nanny and rejoined her career in the investment business.

Motherhood marks the beginning of major changes

Marla found that balancing motherhood and her job left her feeling polarized. Everything in her life shifted with the birth of Anna. Leaving her little girl in the morning was difficult and managing a succession of nannies was complicated. She felt both grateful and resentful for the nannies that took turns living in her home, caring for her precious daughter.

Marla had created a fabulous niche for herself in Boston’s financial circles. She did not feel ready to walk away from the professional status she had worked so hard to create. When Marla decided to work part-time in an industry that seldom allowed for anything but total commitment, she brought enough value to her firm that the partners agreed to this special arrangement.

Returning to work presented challenges, particularly fitting in while having a unique work schedule. Marla did exceptionally well in institutional sales, at least as well as many of the full-time employees. At home she had her beautiful little family. Still, Marla began to feel alienated, as she did not have a sizable support system of female colleagues or close friends she relied on. She was perpetually torn about her choices. When she was at work, she missed being with Anna and when she was with Anna she missed the action of her job.

Despite her inner conflict, she continued working. Almost four years later Marla gave birth to Michael. She told me, “My life was suddenly turned upside down.” For the first time in their married lives, she and Jim faced some challenges. As Marla explained, “Jim’s work life hardly changed at all with the birth of Anna or Michael and mine had become complicated and chaotic. I had to make so many adjustments, being the mother. I knew it wasn’t Jim’s fault. It just didn’t seem fair, so sometimes I would feel angry and resentful. It was difficult being pulled in so many directions. I just did not know what to do.”

Although Marla stayed with her job for another six years, the situation took its toll. She struggled with giving up the intellectually stimulating people and the high-powered, financially rewarding environment. She was stymied by a lack of outlets to vent her frustrations and not enough time to pursue activities for herself. Then just as Marla was about to turn forty, she discovered her father had an aggressive form of prostate cancer.  In addition, with her children older (Anna was 10 and Michael was 6), she felt she was nearing a time when it would be important for her to be more present, especially as the children approached middle and high school. She also wanted to further explore her creative aptitude for painting.

"My Cup of Tea" by Marla Greenfield, watercolor on paper

“It wasn’t from guilt that I decided to leave work, it was that in my heart I knew I needed and wanted to be around my family. I wanted every moment possible with my father and wanted more time with my children.” With Jim’s support, Marla left her corporate career.

Family and art become the focus

Marla knew her resignation would be a big change, but she was not prepared for the isolation that was to come. At the local school and community meetings, she felt disconnected. All the women seemed to be talking about their respective play groups, the politics of the school system, or fundraising events. They used a vocabulary that was unfamiliar to Marla. “I just didn’t share the same experiences. The women seemed to be good friends and very involved in each others lives. There was also a big part of my life that I couldn’t talk about with them. I had lost a huge part of my identity.”

She spent more time with her parents and children. Her life was good, although there were moments when she missed the independence of her corporate career. Marla had not built many close relationships outside of her work environment and did not have an extensive support system revolving around her family.

Not too long after the devastating loss of her father, Marla delved more deeply into her painting. She had always loved to paint, but now she felt she could devote herself to this passion. The time had come for Marla to actively pursue one of her untapped aptitudes and build new relationships.

It took about three years to adjust from the bawdy trading room to the quiet existence of suburban life. Her children became the center of her world and flourished in school, sports, and their own friendships. Marla began painting more, yet her sense of where she belonged was still hazy, except when her children were home or when she was taking one of her watercolor classes.

Marla joined a cooperative gallery where she met a large group of local artists. Friendships emerged and as she became more drawn in to this small community, her commitment to painting blossomed. Enlivened by her immersion into art, Marla embraced the opportunity to learn and grow.

"The Wedding" by Marla Greenfield, watercolor on paper

Marla entered juried competitions and earned a membership into the New England Watercolor Society. At first showing her work intimidated Marla. The potential rejection and judgment was daunting. In time Marla went from being an unknown artist without a resume to winning numerous awards and prizes for her watercolor paintings. The awards came even before her sense of confidence began to shift.

Marla succeeds in her transition

For some time, Marla still secretly struggled with the identity issues that came with giving up her successful corporate career and finding her aptitude in an entirely different arena. She went from newbie art student, soaking in the challenges of this unfamiliar learning curve, to participating in showings of her paintings.

In time Marla moved into the role of teacher and began helping other emerging artists. Eventually she found her way to a leadership role in the art world, serving as President of the New England Watercolor Society. Marla began speaking about her journey as an artist and her work in a variety of venues.

Red Door by Marla Greenfield, watercolor on paper

Initially, Marla’s transition from the corporate world to home life had felt lonely and frustrating without a cohesive support system to encourage her growth and development. Step by step she found a way to achieve balance in her relationships, in her role as a mother and as a woman infused with talents, dreams, and passions.

Marla continues to grow and inspire others to reach their potential artistically. She continues to win awards and her work can be seen at exhibits around the country. For more information about Marla’s extraordinary work, visit her website marlagreenfield.com

My mother asked me to come with my young family from our home in Boston to New York City to visit her and my father for Labor Day weekend. It had been a couple of months since we last saw each other. We exchanged words and I told her I was simply too busy to come for the weekend and we would have to arrange another time. I knew she was not happy. I also knew she did not understand how difficult it was to juggle two children and a busy professional life.

The following morning I received a phone call from my brother-in-law that my mother died. She was seventy-one years old and the picture of health and vitality. As I write this eleven years later, I can still feel the sense of shock and grief at her premature death. I feel her loss every day of my life, especially when there are life passages. I long to tell her about my daughter and my son and the way they are growing and flourishing. I long to tell her “I’m sorry” for not agreeing to come home that weekend. The irony is, of course, that I was home that weekend, but to mourn her death.

After the Shiva period, I stayed in bed for two weeks. I could not bring myself to see patients, to parent, to eat, to do anything except cry. I did not return any phone calls during that time and did not want to see or connect with any of my friends.

My husband indulged me in my mourning, until one day he came into our bedroom and said, “Randy, you need to wash your face. Pay attention to your children and get back in the office.” I could barely speak. I was not ready. Martin told me to just put one foot in front of the other and get started. “Start small Randy. You can do this.” He reminded me of myself as he said those words.

When my children came home from school that day, I had snacks waiting for them on the kitchen table and then a lasagna dinner for later. The mechanics of preparing food, the smells in the kitchen and the act of creating something nourishing for my family felt healing and grounding. It took me out of my grief and back into life for a brief span of time.

I scheduled two patients for the next day. I remember that sitting with them and connecting over their own suffering took me away from my own. Little by little I started to come back. I came back first to my family. My children and husband felt so precious to me. I knew in my heart they trumped all. It took about a month or so before I was back to my regular schedule in the office. Then finally I was able to let my friends in, when things did not feel so utterly raw.

Only then did I begin to feel the fullness of my life again. I felt grateful for all that I had, even in the face of the traumatic loss of my mother. I also forgave myself for not making our last conversation a sweet one. (Check out the posts on forgiveness for more information around steps for internalizing forgiveness.)

What comes to mind when you think of the loss of someone you loved deeply?

Throughout our lives we are faced with challenges, transitions and losses. How can you find the strength and grace to let go of what is lost? It is about thriving…not just surviving.

I’m Dr. Randy Kamen Gredinger. For the past thirty years I have worked as a psychologist and life coach with women facing struggles and losses. I have often observed that women experience an overwhelming sense of loneliness and isolation when they are dealing with such issues.

DrRKG.com is dedicated to inspiring women to find balance in life and learn strategies to achieve happiness. One of the key strategies for finding balance and happiness is developing the capacity t be resilient.

Resilience means moving forward and flourishing in the face of adversity. And going on to lead a healthy and fulfilling life.

Learn to tolerate difficult emotions. Self–regulate, self–soothe, self–nurture. Develop insight and mindfulness. Train your brain to be more flexible and hopeful. Learn to integrate affirmations into your everyday life.

Empowerment. Authenticity. Use this empowerment to build healthy and fulfilling relationships that sustain you and help you to feel enriched and connected.

Develop hope and optimism as you navigate through life so that you can reach your goals, your dreams, your full potential.

Together we will develop greater balance in our live and more successful strategies for happiness.

Thanks for stopping by.

Randy Kamen Gredinger, Ed.D.

Saying goodbye to my daughter, Amy, brought up memories of my going off to college. I also felt infused with a sense of loss in the pit of my stomach. I ached for my girl.

I had to remind myself it was a different experience when I left for college, because I knew I would probably not return home for much more than the occasional visit for holidays and assorted life passages.

I took solace in the thought that this would be different for my girl. Amy wanted to come home–-not just for her immediate family, but for her many friends. That was all good. And there was still Max at home. Two more years to go before his send off, two more years before my nest would be empty. I still had my motherhood role firmly intact.

Those two years were filled with transferring to a private school that would be suitable for his learning style, and then of course there was the preparation for college, college visits, college applications and prayers to the college gods.

One month ago today, my husband Martin and I took our son to college, where he began his freshman year learning about music and business management.

I dutifully set up Max’s half of his dorm room and made his bed cozy. My husband set up his computer and printer and then off we went to dinner. In the morning there was a farewell breakfast, after which the parents received their marching orders. “Say your goodbyes now. The children are beginning their adventure program.”

Panic set in. I promised myself I would not cry. I couldn’t control my breathing. All these years of yoga and meditation were for naught. I was a ball of mush.

Sunglasses did not disguise the tears streaming down my face. I hugged my 6’5” baby boy and said farewell.

I could not bare to leave the campus without some tangible that would connect me with Max. I bought orange plaid flannel pajamas with the official college logo. I thought pjs would be comfortable and practical.

Six hours I cried – at times uncontrollably – in the car as my husband drove back to Boston. My sobs gave little space for Martin’s own feelings to emerge around our new loss. No more babies. Our little nest was empty–with the exception of Kooper, our Portuguese Water dog.

When we finally arrived back home, all was eerily quiet. Kooper knew something was different and didn’t go through his usual barking ritual as we approached the door.

I cried myself to sleep that night. In the middle of the night I awoke and crept into Max’s room smelling him in his blankets and mattress. It lolled me to a deep sleep.

Several months later I still feel pangs of sadness when I walk into my children’s very quiet, very neat empty rooms.

Since then I have rediscovered writing  as an important mode of self-expression, which has led to many wonderful opportunities. When the kids come home my heart sings.

Comment back to me: What is your experience with your (going to be) empty nest?