Recently at the Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health I had the opportunity to attend a three-day workshop presented by Rick Hanson, author of Buddha’s Brain. As many know, particularly those in the world of psychology, there is much documented evidence indicating that we can change our brains from a negative perspective to a more optimistic one by developing certain skills. Changing or reshaping the brain is known as neuroplasticity. The fact that we have the capacity to reshape our brains means we have the power within us to lead happier and more optimistic lives. This is indeed good news.

The bad news is as Dr. Hanson pointed out is that, “The brain is like Velcro for negative experiences and Teflon for positive ones. The natural result culminates in an increasing residue of emotional pain, pessimism, and numbing inhibition in our memory banks.”

Most of us expend a considerable amount of thought and energy focusing on the negative or potentially negative events in our lives. Focusing on the negative strengthens the part of the brain that  creates generalizations and we interpret old and new experiences in a negative light. According to Dr. Rick Hanson our brains have a “negativity bias.” This suggests that we continually scan the environment looking for the negative, which in turn shapes our minds, resulting in depressed and anxious moods, anger and overreactions.

But (we’re back to the good news) just as we have the capacity to strengthen our negative perspective on things, so too do we possess the ability to fortify the part of the brain that is responsible for positive thought. Even though most of us have internalized the negative bias, positive thoughts can also generalize in the brain. The neural circuitry of memory occupies the heart of the mechanism responsible for changing the brain. If we can learn how to generate and internalize positive experiences into the brain and the self, we can establish greater resilience, optimism, happiness, and better relationships.

Since our thoughts have the power to reshape our brains, it behooves us to learn the skills that are most likely to lead us to a positive perspective. When practiced regularly, certain exercises will help foster a change in brain circuitry and make us happier.

The more conscious we are about perceiving an event as being good or ‘good enough’ the more this perception will generalize to other parts of our brain. However, just having positive experiences is not enough, as these sentiments tend to pass fleetingly through the brain while negative experiences are more tenacious. We must actively work to integrate positive experiences into the brain, in order for the beneficial effects to endure. The question remains, “How do I do this?”

Dr. Hanson teaches a simple visualization exercise, which he refers to as “Taking in the Good.” Although there are many other strategies, I found his method for weaving positive emotions into the brain to be quite compelling. He suggests that this visualization process be practiced routinely, until the effects are noticed and so forth.

How to Take in the Good

The idea is to take in the good in a relaxed state and savor these experiences. The more this is practiced the more deeply ingrained the positive will become.

1.  Look for positive facts and traits about your self and your life. Broaden them to become positive experiences (i.e. a great conversation with a friend, a good night’s sleep, an unexpected compliment).

2.  Savor the positive experience or memory of the experience and sustain it for about 30 seconds. Allow yourself to feel it in your mind and body. Keep bringing your attention back to the experience when your mind wanders. Intensify the feeling and be with that for another 30 seconds. Practice several times in succession.

3.  As you feel this positive, truthful fact allow it to soak into the recesses of your mind and body. Marc Lewis and other researchers have shown that the longer something is held in conscious awareness, the more neurons that fire and thus wire together, and the stronger the trace in memory. The idea is to continue building a positive collection of experiences into the brain. This will cast an optimistic perspective on other experiences and will penetrate the unconscious mind.

Practice “Taking in the Good” and truly appreciating positive experiences and notice how you feel. This may be a bit challenging at first; it gets easier with practice. Remember this is about being kind to yourself and cultivating positive resources in your mind.

Please let me know if you have any questions about how to “Take in the Good.”  Your comments are welcomed.

Roberta tragically lost her father in a freak accident when she was eighteen years old. Her mother took the reins and controlled Roberta’s life by making her stay at home and work for the family business, rather than going off to college as planned. To escape her mother’s firm grip, Roberta married at the age of twenty and began her family. Five children later Roberta found herself depressed and lonely, although she loved her family. She neglected herself except on rare occasions and secretly felt like a failure. When her ‘baby’ was about to go off to the college of her dreams, Roberta finally decided to get some outside help. Over time she realized that she had traded in her mother for a controlling husband. Her self-esteem was damaged, but salvageable. Roberta needed to become aware of her inner feelings around loss and neglect and find her true voice. In addition, she had to learn how to create healthy boundaries with her husband and how to take better care of herself physically and emotionally.

Healthy self-esteem is central to emotional well-being. It is the way a person perceives herself and her personal value. It is the core belief that you are competent, resourceful and resilient in the face of life’s challenges.

Some characteristics of a woman with low self-esteem

• She operates out of fear and an inability to step up to the demands of challenging situations.
• She does not feel worthy or deserving of happiness, even when she acts like she does.
• She compares herself to others and does not measure up.
• She fears rejection in her relationships.
• She does not feel worthy and often does not take good care of herself except in superficial ways.
• She personalizes the feedback of others, even when it is well intended.
• Her external actions and behaviors don’t match her inner beliefs about herself which makes matters worse.

Some characteristics of person with positive self-esteem

• She believes she is a worthy person and deserves to be happy.
• She has confidence in her ability to think things through.
• She respects herself and expect others to do so as well.
• She knows that her value is not measured by her material possessions.
• Her relationships tend to be strong because she feels good about herself and she values these connections.
• She exhibits confidence in her ability to offer something unique to other people–herself.
• She internalizes constructive criticism without personalizing, thereby deepening her capacity for growth.
• She likely experiences success personally, professionally and relationally.

Making yourself conscious of your internal feelings is the first step toward boosting your self-esteem.

Strategies for Boosting Self-esteem

1.  Focus what’s good in your life – the things that make your life worthwhile. Rather than accepting and dwelling on negative experiences, find ways to see the positive angle in your experiences.

2.  Meditate: Meditate to connect you with your inner wisdom, strength and well-being.

3.  Discover the qualities that you like about yourself. Think about things about yourself that draw your friends and family to you i.e. your creativity, generosity, integrity, communication skills and your ability to care for the welfare of others.

4.  Learn to change your inner critic from a negative, criticizing voice into a positive voice that offers constructive guidance. Use affirmations to help you change negative self-talk. Remind yourself that you are already worthy and deserve to be happy.

5.  Acknowledge and celebrate your accomplishments. Start appreciating what works. Small accomplishments create the pathway for bigger accomplishments.

6.  Surround yourself with positive and supportive people. When you surround yourself with negative people, you are more likely to think negatively. Similarly when you surround yourself with positive and supportive people, you are more likely to think optimistically and feel good about yourself.

7.  Keep a gratitude journal. When you start paying attention to all the good in your life, you are likely to feel more grateful and better about you self.

8.  Resist comparing yourself to others. There will always be people that have more than you and less than you. Focus on what is yours and how to make the best of it.

9.  Turn your home into a haven where you can escape the busy, hectic world. Surround yourself with music, books, art, friends and a space that makes you feel good.

10. Learn to let go and forgive yourself for not being perfect. Perfection is a setup for failure.

What strategies do you use when your self-esteem needs a boost?

Painting by Alison Seiffer

Julia, a dental assistant in a local dentist’s office has a distinct twinkle in her eye that never fails to light up a room. That is, until February hits. Something happens in the cold, dark months in New England that slowly builds within Julia. Perhaps it is Seasonal Affective Disorder, although she has never been formally diagnosed. It’s as if she hits the wall for the midwinter months and then by late in April she slowly begins to emerge from her cocoon. Julia is in good company with those among us coming undone in February and suffering from the “winter blues.”

Holidays well behind us now, the snow plows this year in perpetual motion, a general malaise seems to have settled throughout New England. Unless you’ve managed to get up to ski country, it’s easy to go into hiding. The roads are difficult to navigate and who wants to leave the warmth and safety of their abodes, unless it is to bask in the sun some place far, far away.

What I observe in my office and among my friends is that this is the time of year when depression typically sets in for many – with or without Seasonal Affective Disorder. Complaints like lethargy, flu-like symptoms, lack of concentration, weight gain, stress, anxiety and increased pain issues abound.

It takes determination and commitment to win the battle against the “winter blues,” but it can be done. Taking certain proactive steps can counteract the doldrums and despondency that this season sometimes brings.

Here are ten strategies that are guaranteed to guide you back to a place of balance, well-being and heightened energy.

1. Start your day with a positive affirmation. Create a simple, positive statement that resonates with you about yourself, your family, or your work that you can resort to as you move through the day. Remember your higher purpose, rather than focusing on the annoyances of the day. Think about the big picture. For example, “I feel balanced, blessed and happy.” When negative thoughts come up, reframe them with a more optimistic perspective. Positivity is a skill that can be learned with regular practice.

2. Build exercise into your day: a brisk walk, floor exercises, a swim, dancing in the living room, watching a yoga tape, visiting the gym. Movement will keep you warm as you feel good energy flowing.

3. Practice a meditation or relaxation exercise. Ten to twenty minutes of meditation or relaxation changes you psychologically and physiologically. It’s one of the most concentrated actions you can take to feeling more centered, focused and happier. If you don’t want to meditate, then build in some extra down time, since the winter can be more demanding on your body physically.

4. Spend some time with a friend(s). If you cannot get together physically, then catch up with a friend on the phone, skype or some form of social media. Face-to-face contact is best, but connecting via any mode of communication trumps isolation. You might also consider enlisting a friend’s support in following through with some of these strategies.

5. Maintain a healthy diet. White sugar and white flour products can seem quite comforting on these dark and cold days. However, foods that are devoid of nutrients tend to zap your energy level and can affect your mood and ability to concentrate. It is better to stabilize your blood sugar levels and go for the fruits, vegetables, complex carbohydrates, lots of water and foods rich in Vitamin D.

6. Get sunshine whenever possible. Try to get some sunshine (again Vitamin D) and fresh air when possible. Sunlight releases neurotransmitters, which positively affect mood and feelings of well-being. On sunny days you might consider cranking up the heat in the car and keeping the sunroof open, even if just for a few minutes at a time; the cold air can be quite exhilarating.

7. Embrace the beauty of the winter season. Perhaps take up snowshoeing, cross-country skiing, downhill skiing or buy crampons for the bottom of your shoes so that you can safely walk outside. Once you find a way to enjoy the season, you will find it not only easier to tolerate, but you may begin to appreciate the magnificence of a cold, crisp wintry day!

8. Make a fire at home and get cozy. If you’re lucky enough to have a fireplace, make a ritual of snuggling up with a book or game with friends or family and enjoy the cozy time. You can relax and not feel as pressured to be outside as sometimes happens when there’s warm weather in New England.

9. Engage in flow activities. Flow activities are any activities that you find pleasurable in which you lose track of time. For example: singing, dancing, painting, yoga, writing, long walks, nature, photography, connecting with friends. These activities help enliven the spirit and bring you back into a state of equilibrium and happiness.

10. Focus on the big picture. What are your priorities? Are you moving forward with the realization of your priorities? Everyday that you put energy into A-list goals and don’t fritter the time away sweating the small stuff, you bring yourself a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment. Finding balance and happiness is about making your day, even in the dead of winter, by combining all of the elements that make you feel good physically, psychologically, and spiritually.

What do you do to take pleasure out of the winter months?

Learn the practice of meditation. This is an audio clip from a recent event where I presented at Emerson Hospital in collaboration with Massachusetts General Hospital called “Girls Night Out.”

Here is an abbreviated example of a meditation that I often teach. I’ll begin with a brief relaxation exercise and then move right into the actual meditation. Enjoy!

~Relax your eyes closed, allowing them to roll slightly upward without straining them in any way.

~Relax your face, especially the muscles around the eyes. Part your lips slightly and relax your jaws. Your face is serene and expressionless.

~Relax your shoulders, neck and back – just let the muscles of your upper body go limp.

~Relax your arms and hands.

~Allow the full weight of your body to relax, so that you are fully supported by the chair and are sitting effortlessly.

~Your feet are relaxed and fully supported by the floor. Feel the contact that your feet are making with the floor.

~Now observe the rise and fall of each breath as you breathe “in” and breathe “out.”

~Repeat the word “in” as you breathe in and “out” as you breathe out.

~Breathing in and out. Breathing in and out.

~When your mind wanders, bring your attention back to the breath with a gentle and loving attitude.

~Breathing in and out – in and out.

~Always bringing your attention back to the breath.

~Watching the rise and fall of every breath.

~When sounds or distractions enter your consciousness, use them as cues to help you go deeper as you focus on breathing in and out.

~Always bring your attention back to the breath.

~Breathing in and out…..

~Good. When you are ready, begin visualizing yourself in the room at this moment and gradually begin opening your eyes. Take your time as you reenter.

~Now just take note of how you are feeling.

When you are practicing this on your own, the meditation is much simpler than what we just did. All you need to do is sit for a designated time (5, 10, or 15 minutes) and watch the rise and fall of your breath, gently bringing your attention back to the breath whenever you get distracted. That is all meditation really is.

Meditation is easy to learn…the challenge is in the follow through and incorporating the practice into your everyday life.

I suggest that you build time into you schedule once or twice daily, even if only for five minutes at a time.

The best times to practice meditation is first thing in the morning or late in the afternoon.

Remember whatever you get from a meditation is more than likely going to enhance the quality of your everyday life.

Wishing you much success with your practice!

If you have any questions regarding your meditation practice please feel free to contact me here.

Whether we realize it or not, we are constantly in a state of flux. We awaken to the idea of change or transition when we are struck by something significant – loss, divorce, illness, vacation, birth, or death… Suddenly our worlds have shifted. We see and interpret events through a different lens, perhaps for the moment, perhaps forever.

Change shifts us from one state of being to another. Whether physical, emotional, situational, or spiritual, the human experience is about being in transition. Change is natural and inevitable. It can lead to improvement or deterioration. Often we have a choice in the outcome of the change, especially when we have good resiliency and relationship skills.

Autumn is a time of transition. The warmth of summer gives way to crisp air, the first leaves begin to fall. Students head back to school, adults get back to work after vacations. The bright colors of summer morph into the warmer tones of yellow, orange and red.

When something is ending we eventually discover the seed of a new beginning and potential for growth. New possibilities are set into motion alongside of our loss. When we are ready for a fresh beginning, new horizons emerge. How we manage change, transition or endings in our lives today usually correlates strongly with how we have handled it in the past.

For those of us who struggle when things become undone, there are strategies that can be learned that make transitions easier and smoother.

Strategies for managing transitions in your life:

• Recognize that all things DO change

• Seek to understand the meaning and implications of the transition or loss (whether is it a move, divorce, death, loss of job, illness…)

• Mindful meditation cultivates the ability to see and experience things as they really are. Practicing meditation allows one to look reflectively at life experiences, making it easier to accept the reality that accompanies change.

• Maintain a daily journal to record feelings and thoughts, to gain insight into the effect the transition is having on you and your loved ones.

• Gather and nourish your friendships and support system on a regular basis. Then you will have your ‘tribe’ in place to help you through challenges and to celebrate successes and joyful times.

Gather and nourish your friendships and support systems on a regular basis. Then you will have your ‘tribe’ in place to help you through challenging and to celebrate successes and joyful times.

How do you successfully manage changes in your life?

Most of us live in a perpetual state of doing, doing, doing: creating lists, striving, working hard, reaching for goals, running on empty. Cultivating the capacity for stillness in the midst of your busy day can yield enormous benefits. The ability to be still… can nourish and sustain the mind and body in ways that might seem hard to fathom.  These moments are like micro-vacations, providing relief from the stress of our every day lives. They can allow us to reconnect with a deeper part of ourselves. These moments can also provide reframes and mood alterations. The unconscious mind can reveal itself and be made conscious. Intuition becomes more accessible.

Setting aside several minutes a day for the practice of meditation will enhance your ability to be still and calm.

What are some of the benefits of meditation?

The regular practice of meditation can:

• Decrease anxiety, depression and chronic pain
• Improve concentration
• Develop more optimism, insight and resilience
• Boost the immune system
• Lower heart rate, blood pressure, muscle tension
• Enhance pre and post-surgical outcomes
• Improve fertility
• Reduce symptoms associated with asthma, seasonal affective disorder and disruptive sleep

How to meditate or initiate a relaxation response:

Get into a comfortable sitting position (if sitting is difficult, then lie on a comfortable surface).

Find a quiet environment especially in the early stages of learning meditation.

Repeat a sound, word or phrase over and over.

For the purposes of this meditation, I recommend repeating the word “in” to yourself as you breathe in and “out” to yourself as you breathe out.You are breathing in and out as you pay attention to the rise and fall of each breath. I particularly like this form of meditation because mindful breathing is the key to all relaxation and following the rise and fall of every breath keeps you focused on the physical action that initiates authentic relaxation. At the same time you are developing the ability to “be” in the present moment–you and your breath.

Most importantly you want to have a nonjudgmental attitude. Remember every time you meditate something of value happens even if it hard to identify. Eventually you will begin to notice the subtle and perhaps not so subtle changes that occur as you meditate. The benefits of this practice are cumulative and ultimately quite powerful.

When you become distracted, which more than likely will happen, gently bring your attention back to the breath – the rise and fall of each breath.

Ideally practice for about 15-20 minutes twice daily. If that seems like too long or difficult, just begin by sitting for five minutes once a day. Even 5 minutes of sitting has its benefits and eases you into the process of meditation.

With the meditation I am describing, you do not need any props, such as music, a mantra, a candle or for that matter this or any CD. The goal is to internalize this learning and be able to take it with where ever you go – not needing anything but you and your willingness to set aside the time and sit.

Remember that moments of stillness in and of themselves can be deeply rewarding and beneficial.

What have you observed about yourself during moments of stillness?

Getting a difficult medical diagnosis is challenging at best. Elizabeth Kubler Ross wrote extensively about the five stages of grief that accompanies the experience of loss. Although her work originally described the reaction to the death of a loved one, the same cycle applies to those experiencing health issues requiring surgical intervention.

Elizabeth Kubler Ross’s Five Stages of Grief:

• Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
• Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
• Bargaining: “Please God make this not happen and in return I will ____.”
• Depression: “I’m too sad or down to do anything.”
• Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.”

This is a simplistic model of what any of us experience when we are struck with a tough reality that we need to integrate into our consciousness. The process of getting a difficult diagnosis or dealing with any loss issue is considerably messier and less predictable than the one Kubler Ross describes. Nevertheless all of these five stages appear eventually on the horizon of one’s experience.

Learning about a difficult medical diagnosis can be challenging, but like most things, being prepared makes the process a lot less daunting.

How to prepare for surgery and manage post-operatively:

• Keep a positive attitude. People who are facing surgery undoubtedly experience fear, worry and anxiety. Keeping a positive attitude can help lessen those emotions. Write a few affirmations pertaining to your surgery and repeat them often. Focus on a positive outcome. When your mind wanders away from a positive outcome, give it a gentle nudge back. Peggy Huddleston illuminates mind-body techniques that help patients mentally prepare for surgery and in turn, heal faster.

• Use meditation as an effective tool to mentally prepare for surgery and to handle difficult situations after surgery. When meditating focus your thoughts on breathing, calmness, and healing.

• Talk about your fears and apprehension with a relative or friend. Verbalizing your feelings can make a profound difference on your inner experience, even when nothing changes externally. A partner or friend you can talk with openly and honestly will diminish the intensity of complicated feelings around a surgery.

• Rely on your faith. If you are religious put your trust in God and leave the surgery in His/Her hands. Ask family members and friends to pray for you during the surgery and afterwards for a full and speedy recovery. Even if they do not share your religious beliefs you can still derive benefits from other’s prayers. Have faith in the surgeon’s ability as well as your body’s ability to heal.

• Consult with your physician regarding any concerns you have about your health condition or the surgery. He/she can answer any questions you may have and help to alleviate your fears. Your physician will understand your feelings and will be happy to reassure you in any way possible.

• Surround yourself with loving, supportive people. You may feel like keeping your upcoming surgery to yourself but it may actually be best to share the information with friends and co-workers. If they are aware of your health condition and surgery they will no doubt support, encourage you, and offer their assistance to help you and/or your family. Knowing that you have people who love and care for you can be the best preparation.

• Get informed. Learn everything you can about your health condition and the surgical procedure. Being informed is being prepared.

• Talk to other people that you trust who have had the same surgery. Glean from those conversations kernels of information that might be of value to you while keeping in mind that no two people experience a surgery in the same way.

What strategies do you employ to get through periods of grief and anxiety?

Physical activity has always been a saving grace for me. As a teenager I loved swimming in the summers and running along the beach with my dog whenever I could.

One day while meandering through the Brooklyn College bookstore I discovered a book on the practice of yoga. As I read that book, gleaning various breathing techniques and dynamic postures, something clicked. I learned to stretch and move through space while deepening my breath and gradually becoming more skilled at slowing down.

Growing up in NYC I knew that I needed to acquire some tools in harnessing my energy and exercising in a purposeful way. My yoga practice seemed to bridge the gap between exercise and mindfulness.

Over time, I alternated brisk walking with the occasional run. My body, in time, rebelled against anything but modest running but I remained faithful to walking. During the kinder New England weather I continue to swim and bike. Even when I skip days or occasionally weeks, I always manage my way back to exercising. I am grateful for having incorporated these physical activities into my life, as they have always served me well psychologically and physically.

The dilemma for me is not how do I motivate myself to work out, but rather what to do to boost my spirits if I cannot break a sweat and feel the multitude of benefits that I derive from movement.

Facing an injury has an emotional impact

Recently I suffered an injury for which I ended up needing surgery. Several months have elapsed since I have been able to do my usual routine, which I’ve come to rely upon for stabilizing my moods, energy, concentration and, dare I say, sense of self. Physical exercise puts so many things into perspective for me, that it is hard to identify all the ways I have recently been blindsided due to my lack of activity.

The question is what does one do, when there is an injury, surgery or disability and when one cannot resort to the powerful benefits of this elixir.

“No exercise,” the doctor ordered. This did not completely sink in until after the surgery. “We’ll see how things go in a few weeks.” My heart sank. At first I thought I’d just stay in bed, write when possible, and in a week I would get back to my routine. Toughing out the depravation of those “feel good chemicals” (serotonin, dopamine and epinephrine) through lack of exercise wouldn’t be that challenging. I quickly learned that the healing process would take longer than anticipated and that I needed help.

7 important lessons for feeling good when you’re unable to exercise.

1. When you are injured and/or bedridden, ask friends for help, especially from the ones that make you laugh and feel good. Laughter and good energy from friends releases those feel good chemicals.
2. Allow your wonderful friends and neighbors to help with meals. I don’t like to ask for help, but I’ve learned it vastly beats the alternative. When you ask you not only get the help needed, but it is generally fun. The giver and the receiver both benefit.
3. Remind yourself to say and repeat affirmations, because whatever you are going through will improve and you will feel better with a positive mental attitude.
4. Watch movies that make you feel good and laugh. Laughter also boosts your immune system and will help you to heal faster.
5. Write in a gratitude journal all the things in your day that you appreciate. This will keep you out of the darker place of feeling sorry for yourself, especially while you can’t work out, blow off steam and are dependent on others.
6. Several minutes of meditation 1-2x day will help you to relax and put things into perspective. Sometimes an injury and being laid up give you the opportunity to rethink priorities.
7. Allow your body to relax, rest and sleep. You’ll heal faster and feel more charged when the time is right for a gradual transition back into physical activity. In other words, do everything you can to honor your body, mind, spirit and friendships during the healing process.

What do you do to manage most successfully during those times when you can not exercise?

“Mindful” exercise, walks or workouts are flow activities. They create a shift in consciousness through physical activity. Think of physical activity not just as a way to stay fit or look better, but as a sacred time for you to devote away from the pressures of everyday life. Your body needs to be exercised and your mind and spirit need to be rejuvenated – all of which can be accomplished in taking a mindful walk, yoga or Pilates class, a bike ride, swim, dance class or a multitude of other forms of exercise.

Getting yourself set to be fully present in your work out brings added value to the experience. Perhaps a moment or two of abdominal breathing first can help you to change gears and become more aligned with the physical activity you are about to undertake. For example watching the rise and fall of the breath for a couple of minutes before exercise gets you more in the mood and probably allows for a more efficient and fulfilling workout.

Even a brief meditation (2-3-minutes) can have a significant impact on moving you away from the stress of everyday life and more into the zone of getting an optimal workout.

Similarly saying an affirmation before working out can also foster a shift in perspective and allows for an experience that is more deeply engaging. Saying a positive self-statement helps align the mind, body and spirit in the exercise. An example of an affirmation about yourself and what is to come might be, “I feel fully in my body and am going to have a great workout.” Then visualize yourself in that way for a moment before engaging in your workout. Notice the results.

In other posts I have discussed the positive benefits of meditation and abdominal breathing and affirmations in the psychological, physical and spiritual domains. When you bring these mindfulness tools and combine them with exercise the effects can be multiplicative.

How might you enhance the effects of your next workout?