Give yourself and your loved ones the best gift of all by focusing on the magic and true spirit of the holiday season. Often busyness, expectations and multitasking eclipse the essence of the holidays. Savor the holiday season and create new memories.

Here are 10 ways to maximize this merry month:

1. Take care of yourself. You’ll have more good energy to share with others. Schedule time for rest, bubble baths, walks, and writing in your journal. A little self-nurturing can go a long way.
2. Slow down. Focus on deepening connections with friends and family instead of filling your time with meaningless errands and stuff.
3. Think gratitude. Thank those who have helped or supported you throughout the year. A visit, personal note or phone call can be really make a difference in communicating your appreciation and strengthening a relationship.
4. Focus on the good in others. Recognize the unique gifts that each of your friends and family members bring to your life.
5. Be patient. During the holiday season it is sometimes easy to let the lines, traffic, parking and other situations irritate us. Rather than getting aggravated, take some deep breaths and be in the moment.
6. Forgive someone who disappointed or hurt you. Remember forgiving another benefits you more than the person who let you down. In fact, forgiveness is one of the keys to happiness.
7. Practice random acts of kindness. Help those less fortunate and reach out to whomever – just because.
8. Celebrate your accomplishments. Take time with your family and your friends to revel in whatever good fortune you’ve had as you usher in another holiday season.
9. Eat smart. Yummy foods abound during this time of year. Appreciate the bounty and enjoy. You can still stay conscious of your choices and portion control.
10. Don’t worry. Be happy!!!

Wishing you all a safe, happy, love-filled holiday season.

With love and inspiration,

Rachel developed gratitude in the face of personal loss. She learned one of the secrets to becoming happier and more optimistic. Rachel changed the way she perceived herself and others by incorporating a greater sense of appreciation into her daily life.

She found herself going to bed each night feeling a sense of loss, anger and loneliness. Rachel recently ended her three-year relationship with her charming and quite handsome live-in boyfriend after discovering through a trusted girlfriend that Richard had been repeatedly unfaithful. Everyone seemed to know but Rachel.

Shame seeped into her everyday experience. Shallow and interrupted sleep left Rachel exhausted each day and was interfering with her work. She became more irritable and less able to focus on her role as a physical therapist.

Talking therapy helped her to understand more about the men she chooses. She began to see the patterns of her behavior. Rachel serially dated men that reminded her of her father, who had a long history of cheating. Her parents bitterly divorced when she was about 13 years old.

Now 33 years old, Rachel finally grasped how she was searching for someone like her father, but with whom she hoped she could have a happier ending. What she discovered was that she needed to broaden her horizons and not be so fast to reject men that did not immediately grab her attention in that old familiar way.

She told me that she often found herself feeling angry and cheated. This attitude ran interference with Rachel’s ability to connect in her relationships with men and women. She experienced little appreciation for the good in her life.

I suggested that she keep a gratitude journal. Rachel already kept a journal where she recorded her feelings and the events of the day. This gratitude journal would be intended only for writing down those events of the day for which she felt grateful. The object was for Rachel to diminish her anger and resentment and develop a greater sense of appreciation.

Gratitude is an integral part of a healthy life and sense of well-being. Rachel was loosing herself in her own negativity. Developing a stronger sense of gratitude is one of the key factors towards creating more happiness in one’s life.

She wrote in her gratitude journal nightly about 3-5 experiences for which she found a positive angle. Over time she found herself feeling more optimistic, happy, open-minded and less resentful. Rachel felt a greater sense of connectedness and wanted to spend more time with friends. She also noticed a qualitative difference in her sleep.

After several months of our conversations and writing in her gratitude journal, Rachel was back to a healthier social life. She felt like she had truly developed a deeper sense of gratitude. This time she moved more slowly and thoughtfully as she went out on dates. She also found herself feeling more appreciative of her friendships and her ability to take care of herself.

What are you grateful for today?

Julia, a dental assistant in a local dentist’s office has a distinct twinkle in her eye that never fails to light up a room. That is, until February hits. Something happens in the cold, dark months in New England that slowly builds within Julia. Perhaps it is Seasonal Affective Disorder, although she has never been formally diagnosed. It’s as if she hits the wall for the midwinter months and then by late in April she slowly begins to emerge from her cocoon. Julia is in good company with those among us coming undone in February and suffering from the “winter blues.”

Holidays well behind us now, the snow plows this year in perpetual motion, a general malaise seems to have settled throughout New England. Unless you’ve managed to get up to ski country, it’s easy to go into hiding. The roads are difficult to navigate and who wants to leave the warmth and safety of their abodes, unless it is to bask in the sun some place far, far away.

What I observe in my office and among my friends is that this is the time of year when depression typically sets in for many – with or without Seasonal Affective Disorder. Complaints like lethargy, flu-like symptoms, lack of concentration, weight gain, stress, anxiety and increased pain issues abound.

It takes determination and commitment to win the battle against the “winter blues,” but it can be done. Taking certain proactive steps can counteract the doldrums and despondency that this season sometimes brings.

Here are ten strategies that are guaranteed to guide you back to a place of balance, well-being and heightened energy.

1. Start your day with a positive affirmation. Create a simple, positive statement that resonates with you about yourself, your family, or your work that you can resort to as you move through the day. Remember your higher purpose, rather than focusing on the annoyances of the day. Think about the big picture. For example, “I feel balanced, blessed and happy.” When negative thoughts come up, reframe them with a more optimistic perspective. Positivity is a skill that can be learned with regular practice.

2. Build exercise into your day: a brisk walk, floor exercises, a swim, dancing in the living room, watching a yoga tape, visiting the gym. Movement will keep you warm as you feel good energy flowing.

3. Practice a meditation or relaxation exercise. Ten to twenty minutes of meditation or relaxation changes you psychologically and physiologically. It’s one of the most concentrated actions you can take to feeling more centered, focused and happier. If you don’t want to meditate, then build in some extra down time, since the winter can be more demanding on your body physically.

4. Spend some time with a friend(s). If you cannot get together physically, then catch up with a friend on the phone, skype or some form of social media. Face-to-face contact is best, but connecting via any mode of communication trumps isolation. You might also consider enlisting a friend’s support in following through with some of these strategies.

5. Maintain a healthy diet. White sugar and white flour products can seem quite comforting on these dark and cold days. However, foods that are devoid of nutrients tend to zap your energy level and can affect your mood and ability to concentrate. It is better to stabilize your blood sugar levels and go for the fruits, vegetables, complex carbohydrates, lots of water and foods rich in Vitamin D.

6. Get sunshine whenever possible. Try to get some sunshine (again Vitamin D) and fresh air when possible. Sunlight releases neurotransmitters, which positively affect mood and feelings of well-being. On sunny days you might consider cranking up the heat in the car and keeping the sunroof open, even if just for a few minutes at a time; the cold air can be quite exhilarating.

7. Embrace the beauty of the winter season. Perhaps take up snowshoeing, cross-country skiing, downhill skiing or buy crampons for the bottom of your shoes so that you can safely walk outside. Once you find a way to enjoy the season, you will find it not only easier to tolerate, but you may begin to appreciate the magnificence of a cold, crisp wintry day!

8. Make a fire at home and get cozy. If you’re lucky enough to have a fireplace, make a ritual of snuggling up with a book or game with friends or family and enjoy the cozy time. You can relax and not feel as pressured to be outside as sometimes happens when there’s warm weather in New England.

9. Engage in flow activities. Flow activities are any activities that you find pleasurable in which you lose track of time. For example: singing, dancing, painting, yoga, writing, long walks, nature, photography, connecting with friends. These activities help enliven the spirit and bring you back into a state of equilibrium and happiness.

10. Focus on the big picture. What are your priorities? Are you moving forward with the realization of your priorities? Everyday that you put energy into A-list goals and don’t fritter the time away sweating the small stuff, you bring yourself a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment. Finding balance and happiness is about making your day, even in the dead of winter, by combining all of the elements that make you feel good physically, psychologically, and spiritually.

What do you do to take pleasure out of the winter months?

Waking up in the morning to a clean, de-cluttered space brings me a sense of balance and happiness. Even when my children were young I managed to maintain a space where I could sit, if only for a few precious moments and enjoy the calm and peace of a minimalist space.

Of course we all know that life is messy business and cannot really be controlled. There are however ways to make daily life less stressful. Getting rid of extra stuff is one of the keys to diminishing stress.

Simplifying Life

Simplifying your life means doing what you enjoy or being with the people you love and eliminating whatever gets in the way of feeling good. Getting to simplicity is about discovering what truly has value to you and getting rid of the rest. The de-clutter journey liberates the mind and spirit and frees your energy for deeper levels of fulfillment.

The more stuff you acquire, the more time and attention you need to expend caring for and managing that stuff. Taking stock of what is most important to you and eliminating the rest is the essence of the simplification process.

We accumulate material objects for a variety of reasons:

• Sentimental value; memories associated with a lost loved one
• Believing our lives will be happier and more fulfilling
• Feeling more valued ourselves for having more stuff
• Experiencing peer pressure to keep up materially
• Inability to let go; feeling a personal connection with belongings
• Thinking someday the objects will fill a need

The clutter that continues to build in your world creates chaos and anxiety, which can be alleviated by making some changes in your daily routine. When the space you live and work in is pared down and organized, you will feel more in control and able to focus on the things that matter most to you in life.

10 Ideas to Simplify Your Life

• Make a list of your top 5 priorities in your life.
• Evaluate your daily schedule and commitments. Eliminate whatever doesn’t line up with your priorities.
• Consider the appointments and commitments you make. Are they in alignment with your values?
• Think about all the stuff in your life that feels irrelevant or superfluous, and start clearing the decks i.e. donating books, clothes, utensils.
• Pare down your wardrobe. Eliminate clothing that doesn’t make you feel good and confident.
• Spend more time with friends and less time in the stores. You’ll be happier.
• Create morning and evening rituals. Your life will feel not only feel more in control with rituals, but you might also notice that you have more energy in the morning and better sleep as night.
• Find a regular time to de-clutter. Make it a routine, as it’s a process, not a destination.
• Learn the feeling of having enough, so you are not trapped in the perpetual cycle of wanting, seeking and getting.
• Make sure you are doing at least one of your top priorities daily.

Please leave your comments about other ideas you have for simplifying your life.

“We have to recover the art of making ourselves central,” said Gloria Steinem addressing more than 6,500 women at the 6th annual Massachusetts Conference for Women earlier this month. The keynote speakers included the renowned Gloria Steinem, Victoria Reggie Kennedy, Elizabeth Lesser, Judge Glenda Hatchett, Christy Turlington Burns and Tory Johnson. The focus was on women assuming their place as resilient leaders and daring to change the prevailing models of government and power.

Steinem said, “There is always one true inner voice. Trust it.” She spoke passionately about women struggling to enhance their self-esteem and to create a “Revolution From Within,” the title of one of her best-selling books. Changing the planet in a positive direction means changing ourselves internally and then bringing our true greatness to influence the lives of others. We must combine our uniqueness with unity.

Gloria Steinem and Dr. RKG at the Massachusetts Conference for Women

Steinem, an author, speaker, advocate,  and political tour de force who for two decades led a social revolution against injustice, quoted Albert Einstein: “No problem can be solved from the same consciousness that created it.” Steinem spoke of the difference between strength and force, guidance versus domination, and empowerment versus fear. Steinem challenged women to balance the needs of children and the stewardship of the earth.

“Your Time is Now” – Keynotes Explore Conference Theme

“Now is the time for women to lead around the globe,” according to Elizabeth Lesser, co-founder of the Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, N.Y. Women all over the world are rebounding and finding their sense of purpose individually and collectively. Lesser said, “When you hear the word leader, hear your name.” She urged attendees to show the world a new way of leading and not perpetuate the status quo: “We must lead with intention, so that we can correct the path.”

Historically, domination and control around warfare and keeping women from making decisions set the tone for governing globally. What if women contributed to the body of leadership ideas? What if women became more comfortable using their voices and innate powers?

There is suffering around the world that needs healing. We cannot approach the mending of the world using the same strategies that have consistently failed. The voices of women need to be included in the conversation. We need to more fully integrate women in leadership roles and find new ways to solve old problems. We as women need to assume this responsibility.

Judge Glenda Hatchett said, “We need less fretting and more doing and being fearlessly resilient.” She dared the audience to live their lives with purpose and passion. Judge Hatchett said, “No one gets your story and what it took for you to get here like you do.” We have a story to tell and work to get done. Women can deliver a new way of leadership that draws upon strength and inclusion rather than domination.

Victoria Reggie Kennedy, a powerful voice and advocate for issues that affect the lives of women, children and families, said, “Be fearlessly resilient… to discover what you want and go get it.” Her work on issues such as homelessness, economic opportunity, health care, education, domestic violence, and involvement in the political process have contributed to positive changes in Massachusetts and nationally.

The Massachusetts Conference for Women continues to grow, educate and exhilarate women from the Boston area. The lead for the conference was: “YOUR TIME IS NOW! To be fearlessly resilient. To rebound with purpose and power. To lead with intention. To discover what you want—and go get it!”

What will you do in 2011 to lead your life with intention?

Bullied for the first time during recess in second grade, Spencer recalls the kids laughing at him for being pale and skinny. I met Spencer shortly after his fifteenth birthday. He was released into my care after an unsuccessful suicide attempt. Thin, gaunt and dressed in black from head to toe, he entered my office avoiding eye contact. Spencer quietly sat in the corner of the couch. His hands shook visibly.

When I asked him how he was feeling, his eyes welled and he said, “I’m okay. I just feel like nothing I do is good enough. I’m such a loser. I didn’t really want to die, I just don’t know what else to do to stop the pain. The kids at school laugh when they see me. They call me “gay guy” “weirdo” “freak.”

I asked Spencer if he had any friends and he said yes, although no one seemed to come to mind. His ‘friends’ hardly ever returned his text messages or came over when invited. He intimated that certain boys and girls posted awful things about him on Facebook. They routinely made up lies and made fun of him. For Spencer the humiliation was deep and profound.

The kids stopped after word got out that he tried to hang himself, but the damage had been done. Spencer felt lonely, depressed and ashamed.

The awareness of bullying has hit the headlines lately, primarily due to the recent tragic deaths of teens bullied, either because of their sexual orientation or traits that make them seem different. For Hadley, MA student, Phoebe Prince and Rutgers student, Tyler Clementi, the bullying resulted in them taking their own lives.

The heartbreaking effects of cyber-bullying have become even more rampant with the explosive use of the Internet, and social media sites like Facebook and Twitter.

It is up to the caretakers: parents, principles, educators, therapists, community leaders, guidance counselors, and clergy to step up to prevent and protect our children and teens by creating an awareness of the inherent dangers of bullying. Thankfully the media has taken an active role in exposing the devastating damage that accompanies this behavior. Learning about prevention of bullying and strategies for dealing with bullying behavior are critical components in helping our children.

The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services is an excellent resource for children and adults. Their site features interactive videos educating kids on the effects of bullying and provides effective strategies for managing bullying situations. There is also a dearth of information about the laws, statistics, and actions that can be taken by caretakers to prevent and manage bullying and/or cyber-bullying.

Strategies for Parents

1. Stay involved in your child’s life. Notice any change of behavior or mood. Does he or she seem to be isolating, anxious, depressed, irritable–more (or in a different way) than usual?
2. Know who your children are spending time with online and off. If you discover that your child is being bullied get more information and involve the school involved if the bullying takes place there.
3. Let your child know that you support and protect him or her no matter what. Help your child build resilience.
4. Keep track of the social sites your children visit and know their passwords. SafeSocial is a site that helps parents keep track of which sites their child has visited and where images of him or her have been posted. It is best not to hide that you are keeping track, as this can lead to a break in trust.
5. Perhaps your child is the bully. In this case pay attention to what is going on with him or her. Create a dialogue where this can be discussed and help provided. Bullies have often been the target of bullying themselves and is often a learned behavior.
6. If your child is the bully, let them know that there is zero tolerance for this behavior. Bullying is wrong and something this behavior must cease or there will be consequences that are enforced. Teach your child to make amends to the victim. If your child is resistant to you seek out the resources offered in your community to help you deal with this difficult issue.

Bullying prevention needs to be a mandatory, integrated part of our school systems. The negative affect bullying has on our children can leave lasting emotional scars and in more extreme circumstances can be implicated in self-injurious behavior and suicide. We need to come together as educators, parents, community leaders, and mental health professionals to support our children and ensure their safety.

Cutting or self-injury (SI) is about scratching or cutting your body with a sharp object (scissor, razor blade, paper clip, glass, tweezers etc.) enough so that the skin is broken and bleeds. As was mentioned in Cutting Part 1, this behavior is not usually meant as a suicidal gesture.

Every story regarding why an adolescent would engage in cutting behavior is different, yet there are certain commonalities.

• Adolescents who cut experience powerful feelings of loneliness and isolation.
• Often these are kids who have been bullied or rejected by their peers.
• Their parents have unrealistically high expectations, or they have witnessed domestic abuse of some sort.
• Invariably kids that cut do not feel as though they have a good support system. They do not feel that the important people in their life really listen or understand them.
• These adolescents do not know how to handle the overwhelming and complicated emotions (sadness, rage, loss, desperation, loneliness, powerlessness, fear, emptiness, abandoned, hatred, confusion, unlovable…). The turmoil and pain is simply too much to bear and they often feel powerless to make things better. Cutting is a self-abusive behavior that is intended to relieve emotional pain and suffering.
• Most cutters are girls, though not always. Cutters often begin to experiment with this behavior in early adolescence. Though most cutters grow out of this self-injurious behavior, some do not and continue into adulthood.
• Usually the scratches or scars are made in places that are hidden from others (wrists, arms, legs, bellies) so that the cutters can maintain secrecy.

Getting Help

• The first step is getting emotional support for the cutter. The urge to cut is always associated with unexpressed emotion. At times kids need hospitalization for cutting so that they can have an intensive inpatient experience before they begin the more long term process of talking, understanding and teasing out the underlying feelings and issues.
• Cutting often involves a “dual diagnosis.” This means the adolescent can also be suffering from depression, bipolar disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, etc.
• Once the problem has been identified cutters need to find venues for talking to trusted friends, adults, counselors, teachers, doctors, or clergy which helps move along the healing process. Connection and communication are keys to overcoming this behavior. While difficult at first, talking and feeling heard are essential to emerging from this self-destructive behavior.
• Although witnessing this behavior in a young (or any) person can be quite disturbing, parents, teachers and caretakers need to support, rather than blame.

Some Behavioral Strategies for Helping the Cutter

There are ways of dealing with emotional pain that are far more effective than cutting. Sometimes adolescents don’t have great coping mechanisms in place just yet. Here are some ideas that might shift your attention and help you minimize or eliminate behavior to prevent seriously injuring yourself.

• Call a friend or communicate with someone trusted the minute the impulse strikes.
• Remove all sharp objects from your room. If you do find yourself with a sharp implement, consider carving something out of wood or even a fragrant bar of soap.
• Take a walk, exercise, draw or paint, write, keep a journal, sing or listen to music to self-express and to shift the focus away from cutting.
• Wear a rubber band around the wrist and when the impulse to cut comes, snap the band tightly. It will sting, but not create the same risk factors as cutting.
• Take a red marker and draw the places where you want to cut, so that it is “as if” you are cutting without the damage.
• Hold an ice cube on the area that you want to cut until it burns, so the pain sensation is felt, but again without real injury to the body.
• Learn some relaxation techniques such as abdominal breathing, meditation, self-hypnosis, chanting. Practice saying affirmations that feel meaningful to you.
• Learn to love and respect yourself to continue getting the help you need.
• Remember that you can overcome this behavior with practice and getting the right resources. You are worth it. You matter. You have what it takes to succeed. You can help others with what you learn. This is an important journey to self-awareness and self-love.

Of all the strategies listed, in my experience the one that is by far the most powerful is learning to communicate in a healthy with others and building effective support systems. When strong positive relationships are in place, these self-injurious impulses not only quiet down but also often cease to exist.

Some of the methods are good to use when the cutting mind is still actively focused on this self-injurious behavior. Eventually the thought to hurt oneself should quiet down with therapy and by learning other coping strategies.

What are your thoughts about how to get the word out and educate others about the complicated issue of cutting?

We hear about cutting in the media when celebrities like Angelina Jolie, Princess Diana, and Courtney Love, to name a few, come forward. We may learn of instances of cutting in our communities, but it remains a poorly understood and difficult to treat behavior. Yet cutting is becoming more prevalent in young women.

Rachel is 16 years old. Her tall, slightly overweight body conveyed awkwardness and her learning disability only made matters worse. She required ongoing help in all of her special needs classes while her star athlete brother was accepted early decision into his first choice Ivy League college. He emanated success and high performance in all of his endeavors.

Rachel’s father, CEO of a company in London, and mother, a high- powered Boston lawyer, both demanded perfection in themselves and their children. Essentially raised by nannies, and feeling very much an outcast, Rachel kept to herself. Her rich inner world remained a secret for years. Rachel sensed her parents’ disappointment in her performance but felt helpless, as she could not find anything good about herself.

Her few friends sometimes included her in their activities and sometimes did not. Rachel spent hours alone in her room organizing her drawers and shelves and playing with her dolls. She could not sleep knowing that anything was out of place in her room.

One evening her mother took Rachel shopping. Her mother slipped into the dressing room to hand Rachel some clothes. It was then that her mother noticed the cuts on her thighs – five scars of varying degrees of freshness on her left thigh and six on her right thigh.

Rachel quickly covered up and demanded that her mother leave the dressing room. She told her mother that she was ‘scratched’ while playing with her cat.

Her mother didn’t believe Rachel and pressed further until Rachel finally confessed. She vowed to her mother that she would not cut herself again, but also insisted that they no longer talk about this behavior. Her mother agreed not to discuss the cutting as long as Rachel promised she would talk to a therapist.

Rachel’s loneliness, isolation, anxiety, lack of connection and self-loathing all contributed to her self-injurious behavior. Her cutting was not intended as a suicidal gesture, but rather as a self-destructive way of coping with complicated and painful feelings.

Rachel numbed herself to the emotional pain that she experienced on a regular basis. The pain of the cutting masked the pain in her heart. It felt better to cut her flesh and bleed, than feel the rejection and self-hatred. Cutting gave Rachel the illusion that she could control her inner world but the relief was only temporary.

According to Mental Health America and Discovery Health Report over the past decade more than 2 million people have cut themselves or inflicted self-injury. Further evidence suggests that 1 in every 200 teenage girls have intentionally cut themselves.

When left untreated, cutting and self-injurious behaviors do not simply resolve or go away. While this behavior is not addictive, it is habit-forming. Rachel continued to engage in cutting behavior to continue to find the relief she desperately needed. Whenever she felt mocked at school, failed yet another exam or disappointed her parents, she would retreat and self regulate by cutting her body.

These behaviors usually begin in adolescence and can continue into adulthood. While most girls (9 out of 10) who attempt cutting do not continue this behavior, those that do, left untreated, send themselves deeper into an emotionally tumultuous world. Treatment for cutting is designed to get at and resolve the core issues, usually regarding low self-esteem, depression, body image and self-loathing.

Only after an in-depth psychotherapy and adoption of specific behavioral and cognitive-behavioral strategies did Rachel begin to gain authentic control of her feelings and impulses. Treatment for this type of disorder typically can be quite involved and happens over the span of years.

Stay tuned for part 2 on cutting and self-injurious behavior.

I would love to get your thoughts and reactions to this post.

Leadership appears in our everyday lives when we engage with our children, spouses, friends and colleagues. Leadership is present when we attend social functions and do our jobs as homemakers, doctors, volunteers, lawyers, business women, or whatever roles we have.

We do not have to define leadership as “dominant” or “superior.” Nor do we need to dichotomize leader vs. follower or superior vs. inferior. In fact, when we behave aggressively and try to dominate, we generally feel less good about ourselves and there is a decrease in self-esteem. When we behave passively and do not use our voices, there is also a decrease in self-esteem. When we express ourselves with our own personal truth in combination with compassion for the other, our self-esteem is likely to soar and we are in leadership mode. The more we become leaders in our own lives, the more we transform our personal, social and economic realities.

So, how do you tap into your inner leader? Many women believe that we cannot lead in our own lives and that external forces are somehow responsible for shaping our experiences. The myth is that we have little control about how things play out in our lives. The truth is that we are the leaders of our lives. So, if we believe that we are leaders of our own destiny, then we are. If we do not believe that we are leaders of our own destiny, then we are not. Whether we stand to lead or not lies within the powers of our own mind.

Sometimes when we feel stuck in an unhealthy relationship, a bad job, a situation that consistently brings us down, it’s hard to imagine that we have the capacity to make choices and that can affect the course of our lives. When we are ready and truly allow ourselves to dig deep into our inner self, the answers are there. They present themselves with naked clarity. The choices are ours to make.

When we lead effectively, we express our true character with compassion for ourselves and for others. The more we lead from the inside out, the happier and more fulfilled we feel in our lives. When we take charge and care for ourselves in this way, our energy flourishes. We become better able to care for the important people in our lives, “our tribe” without feeling minimized or depleted.

Visualization exercise for promoting leadership from the inside out

• Think about a wonderful memory in which you felt loved, loving and a sense of inner peace and compassion.
• Take a few deep breaths. Deep breathing initiates changes in brain wave activity, promotes relaxation, while at the same time enhancing the ability to concentrate.
• Visualize yourself with “your people” or “your tribe,” the people that you care for in your personal or professional world.
• Choose to detach yourself from the energy of these people and take some deep breaths again.
• Think about “How can I serve these people?” You don’t need to do anything but consider how you might best be of value. There is no action that needs to be taken, just ponder the options.
• Notice how you feel. Are you relaxed within yourself? Are you being compassionate with yourself? With others?
• Observe how others react to you when you are responding from a position of calm compassion.

What do you notice about your own energy level when you are calm, compassionate and connecting with others?

DrRKG on site at the Women’s Conference in Long Beach, California 2010.  Here are highlights with Maria Shriver at the helm of her final Women’s Conference in Long Beach, California. A dazzling event for over 30,000 women and a few men too!