What Women Need Coaching Groups are facilitated forums in which exceptional women support each other in managing life’s challenges and transitions. Women gathering in these groups invariably create an atmosphere of sharing, laughter, inspiration and guidance.

The WWN Coaching Group is about creating your vision and turning possibilities into realities. The conversations that take place and the quality of the connections, propel participants into clarifying their goals and dreams.

The idea is for every woman to receive specific feedback and strategies from other group members about the personal or professional issues she presents.

This is an opportunity for you to meet and network with other women who are coming together to expand their support system and realize their potential. You will gain clarity and direction about what steps to take next to reach your goals.

What Women Need Coaching Groups are a great way to connect, learn and laugh with other unique and motivated women.

Some of the words women have used to describe how they felt in WWN Coaching Groups: “inspired… energized… connected… motivated… recharged… optimistic… strengthened… enlivened… happier”

I encourage you to participate. If you want to recommend other wonderful women for the group please contact me. Each WWN Coaching Group will meet monthly and will consist of 8-10 women.

Groups meet at 3 White Pine Knoll Road, Wayland. Tea and light yummy snacks will be served. Sessions begin promptly at 7 p.m. I hope you will be able to join what promises to be a dynamic atmosphere with an awesome group of women.

Registration

To register by phone, please call me at 508.358.4323. Each three-hour gathering costs $125. You can also register by e-mail to Randy@DrRKG.com with the registration form below. The next group will begin on October 6th, 2010 at 7:00 p.m.

The group will meet one time monthly for 8 months. Participants need to make a commitment for a minimum of four sessions for flow, continuity and maximum benefit.

Individual coaching sessions are also available upon request.

Please call me at 508.358.4323 with any questions.

I look forward to seeing you October 6th, 2010.

Randy

Randy Kamen Gredinger,Ed.D.
Licensed Psychologist
508.358.4323
DrRKG.com

Registration for WWN Coaching Group

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Years ago I conducted workshops and seminars to physicians at the Boston University School of Medicine. The well-attended meetings were about “Who Takes Care of the Physician?” This subject continues to warrant attention, however I’ve come to realize that nurses, aides, home health care providers and our reliable family members, also need to be cared for. They too need tools for their own self-care during these stressful times.

Of course the primary focus is on the sick or post-operative patient, but little attention is paid to the family members that are in the trenches day in and day out with their loved ones. The responsibilities thrust upon the spouses and children can be not only overwhelming, but disorienting and exhausting.

Effects on Family Members

• Fear of the unknown; fear that the family member may never be the same
• Guilt over whether there might have been something you could have done to prevent your family member’s diagnosis
• Helplessness; feeling that there is nothing you can do to really make a difference
• Anxiety over whether the recovery will be sound and complete as possible
• Depression over family member’s inability to live their life the way she used to before the diagnosis
• Frustration about one’s own sleep deprivation, lack of control of one’s own time, and the litany of demands needed on the part of the patient – and shame with feeling the need to take care of the self when needed by the impaired loved one

Ways For Family Members to Manage Successfully while Care Taking:

• Know that recovery involves a partnership of the patient and caretaker.
• Share your feelings of frustration with a friend, loved one or, if appropriate, the person you are caring for.
• Share your positive feelings too as in reminding the patient that you love them and are willing to do all that you can to help them.
• Get an education. This will help you be more patient, compassionate, and understanding. It will also prepare you for any physical or psychological changes your family member may have to endure.
• If you are not the primary caretaker make your visits short, positive and upbeat.
• Keeping in touch with friends and other family members enables you to get the morale and emotional support needed.
• Make time for yourself. Build in the coverage you need so that you can take breaks when needed to rejuvenate and care for your own physical and psychological needs. Lose the guilt.  The timeout will make you a more effective and loving caretaker.

When have you had to be a caretaker? What psychological impact did the role have on you?

Tom Cruise’s character in Jerry Maguire pleads with his client, Rod “Help me. Help you.” I am reaching out to you, my community of readers, to do the same. Please help me, help you. I launched this blog with the intention of adding value to your lives and making a significant difference outside of my private practice’s  confidential setting. My vision is to make my website more relevant and engaging and I need your help.

Over the past thirty years I have treated adolescents and adults with post-traumatic stress, anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation, self-destructive behaviors, eating disorders, difficult transitions and complicated losses. I have also coached clients who were not necessarily encumbered with these challenges, and have helped them move forward in pursuit of their goals and dreams.

My wish at this time in my life as a senior psychologist and coach is to address the issues and concerns in your lives that are most meaningful to you.

Every one of us has dealt with some of the darker aspects of life. Some of us are fortunate enough to receive needed love and support during these difficult times. Others do not have these support systems quite where we need them to be. Whether you do or do not, there is always room for a deeper connection and understanding around the challenges in our lives. I encourage you to dig deep and tap into the areas in which you might need some help and answers.

Your comments by email, by phone, on my website and elsewhere have been fabulous. Still, I’ve been wanting to ramp up the relevance of my blog posts and make them come alive for you.

So I’m asking you to “Help me. Help you.” Tell me what subjects I can write about that would really add value to your life.

Loving communication in Ellen’s marriage seemed a thing of the past. Now Ellen stood at the brink of divorce with her husband of eighteen years. She desperately did not want to break up their family, especially because of the implications for their three children. Ellen felt controlled by her husband, Ken, and that his needs invariably came first. He provided well for the family, but the emptiness she felt when with him had become too much to bear.

Ellen ached for someone she could talk to and be intimate with in a loving way.

Conflict and crisis creates an opening in which couples in committed relationships can choose to resolve their long standing issues or they can call it quits. Ellen felt like the children would suffer greatly from the potential break up and encouraged Ken to join her in marital therapy. Not until she threatened to leave did Ken finally agree.

Communication in a committed relationship can be challenging, especially when you throw in the stresses of everyday life. Sometimes learning and incorporating vital communication strategies can help couples navigate through this difficult process.

10 Keys to Improving Communication with Your Partner

1. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listening is one of the most powerful steps you can take to become a better communicator and understand your partner more deeply. Most of us assume we know what the other will say, when we might be way off base. Your partner will feel cared for and less defensive if he/she feels truly heard.
2. Reframe what your partner shares with you to make sure that you understand the message and are not putting your own twist on what you think has been said.
3. Learn to tolerate your strong emotional responses, by practicing some breathing techniques or reminding yourself to stay calm and be in the moment. Learn some ways of relaxing so that you can incorporate those skills when conversations become heated.
4. Be compassionate. Think about the way you are saying things to your partner. Are you speaking in a manner that is respectful and that is likely to encourage communication? Communication is always a two-way street.
5. Bring your authentic self to the dialogue. Couples know when the other is being false and it breaks the communication down quickly.
6. Be flexible in the way you receive information from your partner and be willing to try different ways of doing things.
7. Plan weekly time alone, conversation and intimacy. No pressure to perform, just get in the habit of spending time together without children or electronics interfering. You may need outside support to make this happen.
8. Resolve conflicts fairly. No one wins unless both partners feel like they were treated fairly and got some of what they needed.
9. Forgive the transgressions and mistakes of your partner. The research shows that forgiveness is best for the health and well-being of the person doing the forgiving. Even when a situation cannot be resolved, it is good to forgive so that you can move on.
10. Schedule activities together that are fun and that encourage laughter. Remember what brought you together and build on the strengths of the relationship. It is also good to spend time with other couples that have healthy relationships and learn from their behaviors.

Ellen and Ken decided to do whatever they could to salvage their marriage. It continues to be a work in progress. They have agreed to consciously make the time and practice these communication strategies.

What do you think helps to strengthen a marriage or committed relationship?

Healthy relationships are one of the most important keys to gaining balance and happiness. Intimacy is the experience of belonging together. It embodies shared knowledge, experiences, sexual encounters, and memories. Cultivating intimacy is the best gift we can give to ourselves and our loved ones.

Intimacy is a basic human need like eating, breathing and sleeping. It adds to the quality of our lives and contributes to our health and longevity. Without intimacy we put ourselves at risk physically, emotionally and spiritually.

The most important ingredient to intimacy is great communication. The emotional part of intimacy stirs our hearts and souls. The physical manifestation is, of course, touching, snuggling and sex. Loving physical contact promotes feelings of well-being that can inspire and improve the relationship.

Strategies to Heighten Emotional and Physical Intimacy

• Communicate authentic feelings through dialogue, transparency, reciprocity and even vulnerability
• Share fears, anxieties, losses, transitions, memories as well as joyful experiences and milestones
• Use terms of endearment for greater connection
• Practice relaxation exercises or routines to help slow down and create the mood for intimacy such as bathing, mindful walk, breathing exercises, meditation, constructive rest
• Make small gestures such as a gentle touch, a loving glance, holding hands
• Create romantic rituals that generate intimacy between you and your partner
• Build time into your schedule to create the space for intimacy
• Eliminate self criticism
• Communicate in a positive way, “When you do……, it feels really good!”
• Take care to let your partner know about your needs and help guide him or her to what feels good
• Experiment with new behaviors and approaches when both partners are feeling adventurous
• Re-define foreplay keeping in mind that women take almost 3 times longer than men to heat up
• Bring a sense of fun and adventure into your intimate time together

Lovers' feet

Some Benefits of a Healthy Sex Life

• Lowers heart rate and blood pressure, and reduces stress levels
• Improves blood flow to the brain and to all other organs. The deep breathing 
 and increased heart rate foster improved circulation
• Increases oxygenation to the body and diminishes fatigue
• Burns calories and provides a significant cardiovascular workout
• Strengthens pelvic floor muscles, which helps to prevent incontinence and heightens the experience of sexual pleasure
• Promotes sound sleep and facilitates feelings of intimacy due to the oxytocin released during orgasm and through physical contact
• Helps with pain management through the release of endorphins
• Protects the man against prostate cancer and reduces the risk of him suffering a heart attack and stroke by half
• Balances the immune system, diminishes depression, enhances cognition, promotes bone development, and maintains and repairs tissues

Cultivating intimacy provides a wide range of physical and psychological benefits. Most importantly this kind of special connection adds a richness and deep sense of belonging.

What can you do to create a more intimate relationship with your partner?

Remember those times when you felt lost and all alone. Maybe your relationship was on the rocks. Maybe you were sick and no one was around to take care of you. Perhaps you screwed up at work or that you were about to get downsized. Maybe you thought no one could possibly understand the pain and loss you were experiencing.

Then remarkably something happens. You contact a friend or vice versa. You accidentally run into someone you’ve been meaning to talk to. There is a connection. You share. You laugh. You cry. Suddenly you feel lighter, more in control and less overwhelmed. Healthy friendships are one of the most important keys for gaining balance and happiness throughout the life cycle. Friendships are enlivening, empowering, and at the core of happiness.

Studies have shown that good friendships:

• Enhance quality of life
• Fortify physical and psychological health
• Increase longevity
• Strengthen resiliency
• Promote optimism and positive moods
• Alleviate anxiety, depression, pain
• Help manage trauma and loss
• Boost the immune system

Healthy friendships emerge from mutual affection and form the social fabric of our lives. Good friends regard each other as special and irreplaceable. Each friendship matters and has a particular and unique place of value in our lives.

Sometimes a friendship does not support us in the ways that we need. When you notice that a friendship consistently leaves you feeling worse after spending time together, it might be time to reconsider the value of that relationship. Perhaps it makes sense to lessen contact with that person, or, in extreme cases, you may need to press the delete button. As difficult as that may seem, sometimes it offers the best alternative, and might even have a positive impact on your self esteem.

Some ideas for building friendships include:

• Treat like a “courtship”
• Take risks with someone you want to get to know
• Google an old best friend
• Be the one to take the first step
• Make dates and plans
• Take a class doing something you love

Make friendships a priority.

Good friendships offer a different kind of support than we get from our partners and family members. They offer a feeling of peer and social connection that enriches and invigorates our lives.

How invested are you in building and maintaining your friendships?

Everything changes when you feel love, especially your brain. Valentine’s Day reminds us to take stock and acknowledge what matters most – the connection we feel for others. Think about the people in your life with whom you experience love. Learn to “fire up” your brain and feel more love and intimacy in your life. The truth is we can celebrate the people we care about most in our lives on a regular basis and not only special occasions.

Love creates a powerful force that connects us all. It is the energy that runs through us like electricity. We feel it through touch, through words spoken kindly, through gestures and actions, and when we feel truly heard. Sometimes we are tuned into its presence and sometimes in our haste we remain oblivious. Keys to Firing Up the Brain to Experience More Love:

• Tolerating difficult feelings through abdominal breathing and learning mindfulness through meditation and constructive rest
• Actively listening to your friends or partner by paying attention to nonverbal cues as well as the spoken words
• Sharing your own thoughts and feelings as a critical part of the dialogue, helping to strengthen the connection with your partner
• Self-disclosure leads to greater openness, deepens the bond and builds trust into the relationship
• Practicing unconditional kindness leads to a stronger and healthier relationship, where your partner feels more appreciated and is likely to reciprocate
• Improving your capacity for compromise by understanding each others needs and wishes and being willing to meet half way or sometimes to give it up
• Building patience during difficult times by remembering to take some deep breaths and reminding yourself that this impasse is temporary

Put the love out into the universe without waiting for it to come to you and watch what happens. Everyday is an opportunity to create or expand the experience of love.

What’s one action you can take to bring more love into your life?

Last night my husband and I attended a stunning performance of Stravinsky’s Petrushka by the Boston Symphony Orchestra. At the intermission I asked him what he was thinking about during the concert. He said with a smile that he imagined old Bugs Bunny cartoons. At first I felt annoyed that his mind had not drifted off to a loftier place. While he was picturing Bugs I was imagining a cadre of ballerinas sweeping across the stage telling their story of pain and joy.

“Don’t judge. Just listen,” I reminded myself. It didn’t take long for me to emerge from my judgmental state and consider what my husband had just shared. He even said to me, “Randy, sometimes imagery is just imagery.”

What goes on in my husband’s head is deeply personal and unique to him. I don’t get to control his or anyone else’s thoughts, nor do I really want to. Besides, when I thought more about his image of the Bugs Bunny cartoons, it made me laugh. It brought me back to some wonderful memories. The pictures of my animated friends from the past darting through the woods and all of their cockamamie antics became much more vivid. For the rest of the performance I could not help thinking about the zany mischief these characters got into. This was indeed the soundtrack to our childhood.

Matters of the mind belong solely to each of us. As we move through our days and nights, inner thoughts, fantasies, and dreams are ours alone. We can shape these thoughts through meditation, affirmations, and self-hypnosis, but even then, the images that arise belong exclusively to the person having those thoughts.

What struck me about my husband’s imagery versus mine was how differently we perceived the same event. I could not help thinking of John Gray’s book, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus . Simply put, men and women need to accept each other’s differences in order to be able to experience happier and more satisfying relationships.

So Bugs it is for my man and the cadre of ballerinas for me.

Viva la difference!

How do you honor the differences between you and your partner?