Recently at the Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health I had the opportunity to attend a three-day workshop presented by Rick Hanson, author of Buddha’s Brain. As many know, particularly those in the world of psychology, there is much documented evidence indicating that we can change our brains from a negative perspective to a more optimistic one by developing certain skills. Changing or reshaping the brain is known as neuroplasticity. The fact that we have the capacity to reshape our brains means we have the power within us to lead happier and more optimistic lives. This is indeed good news.

The bad news is as Dr. Hanson pointed out is that, “The brain is like Velcro for negative experiences and Teflon for positive ones. The natural result culminates in an increasing residue of emotional pain, pessimism, and numbing inhibition in our memory banks.”

Most of us expend a considerable amount of thought and energy focusing on the negative or potentially negative events in our lives. Focusing on the negative strengthens the part of the brain that  creates generalizations and we interpret old and new experiences in a negative light. According to Dr. Rick Hanson our brains have a “negativity bias.” This suggests that we continually scan the environment looking for the negative, which in turn shapes our minds, resulting in depressed and anxious moods, anger and overreactions.

But (we’re back to the good news) just as we have the capacity to strengthen our negative perspective on things, so too do we possess the ability to fortify the part of the brain that is responsible for positive thought. Even though most of us have internalized the negative bias, positive thoughts can also generalize in the brain. The neural circuitry of memory occupies the heart of the mechanism responsible for changing the brain. If we can learn how to generate and internalize positive experiences into the brain and the self, we can establish greater resilience, optimism, happiness, and better relationships.

Since our thoughts have the power to reshape our brains, it behooves us to learn the skills that are most likely to lead us to a positive perspective. When practiced regularly, certain exercises will help foster a change in brain circuitry and make us happier.

The more conscious we are about perceiving an event as being good or ‘good enough’ the more this perception will generalize to other parts of our brain. However, just having positive experiences is not enough, as these sentiments tend to pass fleetingly through the brain while negative experiences are more tenacious. We must actively work to integrate positive experiences into the brain, in order for the beneficial effects to endure. The question remains, “How do I do this?”

Dr. Hanson teaches a simple visualization exercise, which he refers to as “Taking in the Good.” Although there are many other strategies, I found his method for weaving positive emotions into the brain to be quite compelling. He suggests that this visualization process be practiced routinely, until the effects are noticed and so forth.

How to Take in the Good

The idea is to take in the good in a relaxed state and savor these experiences. The more this is practiced the more deeply ingrained the positive will become.

1.  Look for positive facts and traits about your self and your life. Broaden them to become positive experiences (i.e. a great conversation with a friend, a good night’s sleep, an unexpected compliment).

2.  Savor the positive experience or memory of the experience and sustain it for about 30 seconds. Allow yourself to feel it in your mind and body. Keep bringing your attention back to the experience when your mind wanders. Intensify the feeling and be with that for another 30 seconds. Practice several times in succession.

3.  As you feel this positive, truthful fact allow it to soak into the recesses of your mind and body. Marc Lewis and other researchers have shown that the longer something is held in conscious awareness, the more neurons that fire and thus wire together, and the stronger the trace in memory. The idea is to continue building a positive collection of experiences into the brain. This will cast an optimistic perspective on other experiences and will penetrate the unconscious mind.

Practice “Taking in the Good” and truly appreciating positive experiences and notice how you feel. This may be a bit challenging at first; it gets easier with practice. Remember this is about being kind to yourself and cultivating positive resources in your mind.

Please let me know if you have any questions about how to “Take in the Good.”  Your comments are welcomed.

Linda, a 42 year old attorney with two young boys, felt guilt and disappointment both on the job and at home. She never quite felt that she was where she needed to be at any given time. For all of her accomplishments, she felt like a failure as a lawyer and as a mother. She strove for perfection in all facets of her life, but now was finding that juggling motherhood and her professional life made this impossible. The standards that Linda set for herself were unattainable and therefore an innate form of sabotage.

She made little time for her own self-care and felt exhausted all the time. Linda ran from home to work and back home again. The multitasking and quest for perfection was taking a toll on her physical and emotional self. Linda also began to isolate herself from her friends as she could not justify taking the time to make plans. Everything and everyone became a distraction, taking her away from her children and work. She began suffering from headaches and displayed early symptoms of depression.

Perfectionism is the belief that mistakes cannot be made and that the highest standards of performance in all aspects of one’s life must consistently be met. It is a state of mind where there exists an imbalance between one’s standards of success and the ability to achieve success. Worry, fear, guilt and self-doubt usually weave their way into the mind of the perfectionist. The pressure of this self-imposed demand can take a severe toll, mentally and physically.

Characteristics of a perfectionist

• Sets unrealistic goals and standards
• Views mistakes personally–as a lack of self-worth
• Preoccupation with fear of failure depletes energy levels
• Interprets comments and suggestions as criticism
• Tends to be rigid in behavior styles and afraid to experiment with the unfamiliar due to fear of failure
• Constantly frustrated, since perfection is unattainable which can lead to anxiety and depression

How to manage the frustrations of the perfectionist

• Set standards in one’s personal and professional life that are high but attainable; aim for your best performance, rather than perfection. Remember setting perfection, as a goal is invariably a setup for failure.
• Listen to suggestions and remind yourself that comments are your opportunities for growth and expanded learning potential.
• Understand and if possible accept that disappointment is unavoidable, the faster you recover from setbacks, the faster you can move forward on your goals.
• Learn some mindfulness techniques to allow you to be more fully in the present, without having to go back in you mind to old voices in your past, reminding you of your inadequacies.
• Practice affirmations to train your mind that you can accomplish your goals and dreams and although the outcome may not be perfect, it can be “good enough.” Satisfaction can be derived from “good enough.”
• Learn to live in the moment and enjoy the experiences along the way that lead to the accomplishment of your goals. Allow you to “stop and smell the roses.” This can help you stay grounded in your wish for success.
• Remain flexible when it comes to unexpected transition and change because it is likely going to occur.
• Celebrate accomplishments.

Linda’s need for perfection came from early childhood messages. I listened to her story carefully and then reinforced that she had to give up this unrealistic fantasy of perfection. If not she would remain frustrated and unhappy. “This is the age of the death of perfection.” I assured her. It is a time in the evolution of women to adapt and integrate a kinder and gentler self-perception. The notion of the “good enough mother” or the “good enough lawyer” does not suggest that we compromise our integrity and commitment to our jobs, but rather that we embrace the multidimensional roles of our lives fully and authentically.

Eventually Linda found relief in the notion of being “good enough” and gradually gave up the notion of perfection. She found herself enjoying her family and work life once she eased up on the self-criticism and adapted an attitude of greater self-love.

Would love to know any tips you have for being less self-critical.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Julia, a dental assistant in a local dentist’s office has a distinct twinkle in her eye that never fails to light up a room. That is, until February hits. Something happens in the cold, dark months in New England that slowly builds within Julia. Perhaps it is Seasonal Affective Disorder, although she has never been formally diagnosed. It’s as if she hits the wall for the midwinter months and then by late in April she slowly begins to emerge from her cocoon. Julia is in good company with those among us coming undone in February and suffering from the “winter blues.”

Holidays well behind us now, the snow plows this year in perpetual motion, a general malaise seems to have settled throughout New England. Unless you’ve managed to get up to ski country, it’s easy to go into hiding. The roads are difficult to navigate and who wants to leave the warmth and safety of their abodes, unless it is to bask in the sun some place far, far away.

What I observe in my office and among my friends is that this is the time of year when depression typically sets in for many – with or without Seasonal Affective Disorder. Complaints like lethargy, flu-like symptoms, lack of concentration, weight gain, stress, anxiety and increased pain issues abound.

It takes determination and commitment to win the battle against the “winter blues,” but it can be done. Taking certain proactive steps can counteract the doldrums and despondency that this season sometimes brings.

Here are ten strategies that are guaranteed to guide you back to a place of balance, well-being and heightened energy.

1. Start your day with a positive affirmation. Create a simple, positive statement that resonates with you about yourself, your family, or your work that you can resort to as you move through the day. Remember your higher purpose, rather than focusing on the annoyances of the day. Think about the big picture. For example, “I feel balanced, blessed and happy.” When negative thoughts come up, reframe them with a more optimistic perspective. Positivity is a skill that can be learned with regular practice.

2. Build exercise into your day: a brisk walk, floor exercises, a swim, dancing in the living room, watching a yoga tape, visiting the gym. Movement will keep you warm as you feel good energy flowing.

3. Practice a meditation or relaxation exercise. Ten to twenty minutes of meditation or relaxation changes you psychologically and physiologically. It’s one of the most concentrated actions you can take to feeling more centered, focused and happier. If you don’t want to meditate, then build in some extra down time, since the winter can be more demanding on your body physically.

4. Spend some time with a friend(s). If you cannot get together physically, then catch up with a friend on the phone, skype or some form of social media. Face-to-face contact is best, but connecting via any mode of communication trumps isolation. You might also consider enlisting a friend’s support in following through with some of these strategies.

5. Maintain a healthy diet. White sugar and white flour products can seem quite comforting on these dark and cold days. However, foods that are devoid of nutrients tend to zap your energy level and can affect your mood and ability to concentrate. It is better to stabilize your blood sugar levels and go for the fruits, vegetables, complex carbohydrates, lots of water and foods rich in Vitamin D.

6. Get sunshine whenever possible. Try to get some sunshine (again Vitamin D) and fresh air when possible. Sunlight releases neurotransmitters, which positively affect mood and feelings of well-being. On sunny days you might consider cranking up the heat in the car and keeping the sunroof open, even if just for a few minutes at a time; the cold air can be quite exhilarating.

7. Embrace the beauty of the winter season. Perhaps take up snowshoeing, cross-country skiing, downhill skiing or buy crampons for the bottom of your shoes so that you can safely walk outside. Once you find a way to enjoy the season, you will find it not only easier to tolerate, but you may begin to appreciate the magnificence of a cold, crisp wintry day!

8. Make a fire at home and get cozy. If you’re lucky enough to have a fireplace, make a ritual of snuggling up with a book or game with friends or family and enjoy the cozy time. You can relax and not feel as pressured to be outside as sometimes happens when there’s warm weather in New England.

9. Engage in flow activities. Flow activities are any activities that you find pleasurable in which you lose track of time. For example: singing, dancing, painting, yoga, writing, long walks, nature, photography, connecting with friends. These activities help enliven the spirit and bring you back into a state of equilibrium and happiness.

10. Focus on the big picture. What are your priorities? Are you moving forward with the realization of your priorities? Everyday that you put energy into A-list goals and don’t fritter the time away sweating the small stuff, you bring yourself a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment. Finding balance and happiness is about making your day, even in the dead of winter, by combining all of the elements that make you feel good physically, psychologically, and spiritually.

What do you do to take pleasure out of the winter months?

Waking up in the morning to a clean, de-cluttered space brings me a sense of balance and happiness. Even when my children were young I managed to maintain a space where I could sit, if only for a few precious moments and enjoy the calm and peace of a minimalist space.

Of course we all know that life is messy business and cannot really be controlled. There are however ways to make daily life less stressful. Getting rid of extra stuff is one of the keys to diminishing stress.

Simplifying Life

Simplifying your life means doing what you enjoy or being with the people you love and eliminating whatever gets in the way of feeling good. Getting to simplicity is about discovering what truly has value to you and getting rid of the rest. The de-clutter journey liberates the mind and spirit and frees your energy for deeper levels of fulfillment.

The more stuff you acquire, the more time and attention you need to expend caring for and managing that stuff. Taking stock of what is most important to you and eliminating the rest is the essence of the simplification process.

We accumulate material objects for a variety of reasons:

• Sentimental value; memories associated with a lost loved one
• Believing our lives will be happier and more fulfilling
• Feeling more valued ourselves for having more stuff
• Experiencing peer pressure to keep up materially
• Inability to let go; feeling a personal connection with belongings
• Thinking someday the objects will fill a need

The clutter that continues to build in your world creates chaos and anxiety, which can be alleviated by making some changes in your daily routine. When the space you live and work in is pared down and organized, you will feel more in control and able to focus on the things that matter most to you in life.

10 Ideas to Simplify Your Life

• Make a list of your top 5 priorities in your life.
• Evaluate your daily schedule and commitments. Eliminate whatever doesn’t line up with your priorities.
• Consider the appointments and commitments you make. Are they in alignment with your values?
• Think about all the stuff in your life that feels irrelevant or superfluous, and start clearing the decks i.e. donating books, clothes, utensils.
• Pare down your wardrobe. Eliminate clothing that doesn’t make you feel good and confident.
• Spend more time with friends and less time in the stores. You’ll be happier.
• Create morning and evening rituals. Your life will feel not only feel more in control with rituals, but you might also notice that you have more energy in the morning and better sleep as night.
• Find a regular time to de-clutter. Make it a routine, as it’s a process, not a destination.
• Learn the feeling of having enough, so you are not trapped in the perpetual cycle of wanting, seeking and getting.
• Make sure you are doing at least one of your top priorities daily.

Please leave your comments about other ideas you have for simplifying your life.

As human beings we often dream of living better, more fulfilling lives. We wish to create lives for ourselves and our families that are happy, purposeful and passionate. We can not only dream about creating more gratifying lives, but we also possess the cognitive ability to strategize and plan to achieve these dreams and goals.

What gives you a feeling of purpose? What do you feel passionate about? Reflecting on the answers to these questions points you in the direction of next steps that you can choose to pursue in the coming year. When we tune into the message coming from the depths of our hearts, the answers are apparent.

Rather than making resolutions this year, consider making choices that move you closer to authentic and meaningful change in your life. For example, choosing to live a healthier life through good nutrition, regular exercise and relaxation is different from making commitments to lose ten pounds, exercise daily and meditate twice a day. The first way suggests adapting to a life style that supports us in living our lives fully while the second way, while focused and purposeful, seems rigid, pressured and perhaps a set up for failure.

Tapping into our inner experience of purpose and passion can be done with intention.

Here are methods for tuning into your inner wisdom:

1.  Take time to settle down and be quiet. Remember to breathe. Turn off electronics and give yourself some private time. Write down your thoughts about where you would like to be headed. What are your wishes for the coming year?

2. Think about what enlivens you and brings you a true sense of joy. What thrills you in your personal or professional life? How can you incorporate more of that in your life? Allow yourself to brainstorm ideas, without judgment or censorship. Nothing is too outlandish, just allow yourself to play.

3. Prioritize your goals and dreams. What seems most important and most meaningful? What would bring you the greatest joy or would allow you to tap into your greatest passion? Map your specific goals into a framework that goes from the realistic to the outrageous. As you keep moving your ideas forward the outrageous ideas might start feeling closer in reach.

We all want to live the fullest possible lives and every one of us has a unique set of talents and abilities. It is up to each of us to figure out how we want to uncover our gifts and deliberately bring them forward into the world. Living with purpose and passion brings us inner peace, greater balance, happiness and the feeling that our lives are well spent.

What is one of your goals for living with greater purpose and passion in 2011?

Michele lapsed into feelings of despair and darkness every November. For years she did not particularly notice the change in her temperament or energy level, but it became strikingly apparent to her husband.

She dragged herself out of bed in the morning and begrudgingly got the kids off to school and then herself to work. She described her mornings as being physically painful. She yearned for sleep much of the time. Michele became moody, lethargic and alienated herself from friends this time of year.

Michele learned that she suffered from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), which is a type of depression that occurs at the same time every year and seems to develop from inadequate sunlight during the winter months. Researchers have found that exposure to sunlight alters brain chemistry. Factors like low levels of vitamin D in the blood are also associated with a higher occurrence of SAD. Problems with SAD are typically mild at first and then become increasingly severe as the season progresses.

SAD Symptoms

• Depression
• Anxiety
• Hopelessness
• Difficulty concentrating
• Loss of energy
• Mood shifts
• Social withdrawal
• Appetite changes and cravings
• Loss of interest in activities otherwise enjoyed
• Chronic fatigue

Successfully Managing SAD

• Spend time outside every day. The effects of daylight are beneficial even when it’s cloudy.
• Get adequate but not excessive sleep.
• Exercise routinely for at least 30 minutes.
• Eat healthy, regular meals – minimize sweet and starchy foods.
• Meditate or learn a relaxation technique.
• Keep a journal of thoughts, feelings and mood fluctuations.
• Take a sunny vacation if possible.
• Minimize alcohol intake.
• Take prescribed medication if indicated.
• Connect with friends even when not completely in the mood.
• Take vitamin D3 daily – check with your physician for dosage.
  

Light Therapy Treatment

Some people respond well to light box therapy for SAD. The rays from a light box mimic daylight, which is believed to change the brain chemistry that elevates your mood and eases other symptoms associated with SAD. Light therapy is also used to adjust the circadian rhythm or daily sleep cycle, which seems to play an important role in mood alteration.

Light boxes are generally used for 30 minutes or more every day, with the lamp shining indirectly toward the eyes. There is limited research on light boxes which makes it challenging to know which one would be most effective for you. According to the Mayo Clinic there are some important parameters to consider before buying a light box.

Michele understands that treating her SAD optimally means making some life style changes. She takes it one day at a time and commits herself to eating better, walking her dog outside every day and most importantly connecting with friends. As she says, “I am a work in progress, but I feel armed with the tools I need.” Now she knows that when symptoms predictably appear, she is empowered to change the outcome of her experience of the darker months. Michele understands that she is responsible for her own balance and happiness.

What’s a strategy you use to stay light in the dark months?

Learn the practice of meditation. This is an audio clip from a recent event where I presented at Emerson Hospital in collaboration with Massachusetts General Hospital called “Girls Night Out.”

This video describes some of the essential characteristics of the happiest women.

Some of the activities of the happiest women include:

The happiest women surround themselves with loving family and friends. In general they spend the least amount of time alone.

They do not measure themselves by other people’s standards.

The happiest women get immersed on a regular basis in flow activities. Flow activities are projects or interests that occupy the mind in such a deep way that we lose track of time.

Painting, writing, yoga, dancing, working, gardening or just being with friends are all great examples of flow activities. It is best when these activities are integrated into one’s daily routine.

Happy women pursue personal growth and intimate connections throughout their lives.

The happiest women also know or learn how to forgive readily.

What are one or two things you can do to add to your happiness factor?

I have found in my work as a psychologist that to bring more joy into your life, you need to foster you relationships by connecting regularly with friends and family members.

Choose to be with people who lift your spirits and are not the ones who bring you down.

It may require some time and energy on your part to initiate a new relationship or strengthen an existing one. Either way you are guaranteed to feel happier by being proactive.

Eleanor Roosevelt said: Happiness is not a goal; it is a by-product.

Happiness is a result of living a life filled with loving relationships and flow activities.

The best part is that you are having fun while boosting your sense of connection and well-being.

Thanks for joining me.

With love and inspiration,

Dr.RKG

Please share your comments about what brings joy and happiness into your life.

Recently I had the good fortune of meeting the inspirational and highly motivated winner of the reality show, The Biggest Loser, Ali Vincent. At the recent Chat, Chew & Chocolate retreat, Ali shares her compelling story through her lens of fear, doubt and deep shame. Along her path she summons the courage and strength to challenge her greatest beliefs about herself. Ali pushes through her pain and loss and emerges not only the winner of The Biggest Loser, but fully embraces the empowered woman that she has become.

How did she find the motivation? How did she dare to stare her demons down? What lessons can we derive from her excruciating journey from self-loathing to self-love?

Somewhere along the line, Ali, once a champion synchronized swimmer, let her dreams of doing something great in life slip away. Her mother was okay with her own obesity and ‘being fat’ became normalized within the complexities of this mother-daughter relationship. Along with gradual and persistent weight gain, came the loss of her determination, hope and dreams.

Periodically Ali summoned the willpower to experiment with a new diet. “This time it will work.” Inevitably she end up sabotaging herself and giving up on her attempt to lose weight. For years the motivation for Ali was extrinsic. That is, the motivation came from the outside. She tried to lose weight to please others, to fit in and to feel more lovable.

When Ali began to align her motivation with her internal values and beliefs things began to change. Her journey to success began with the regular maintaining of her journal. She kept writing down her thoughts, feelings, and mood shifts to raise her level of self-awareness.

She started to tell herself throughout the day that, “I know that I was put here to make a difference in the world.” “Why can’t I be powerful enough to have balance, love and success?” “I can create my own destiny.” “I can do anything for a minute.” This led her to believe she could do anything for two minutes… Ali added “I had to fake it until I made it.” Eventually her journaling, self-talk and faking it wove its way into her unconscious mind and she began to authentically believe in herself.

Ali chose to step into her life and embarked upon an emotional and spiritual journey. She incorporated visualizations into everyday of her preparation for The Biggest Loser. Ali visualized feeling great about herself from the inside out. She pictured what she would wear when she won the contest. As she told her story she exuded strength and power mixed with moments of self-doubt and fear. “I kept choosing to know my fear. I kept choosing to own my fear. That was the way I emerged from my fear.”

Ali visualized her outfit as she graciously accepted the big win. She imagined the confetti falling all around her and her audience, as she held her arms high in triumph. Ali chose to push past her fears and step into her greatness.

What can you do to step into your greatness?

There is a powerful movement all around us. Can you feel it? Women are transforming, using their intuition and coming together to make a difference in their personal lives and in the world.

This weekend twenty women met at the Sanctuary Spa in Scottsdale, Arizona to look deeply inside themselves, learn some vital strategies, speak their truths and figure out how to access their beauty and wisdom.

Dena Patton, founder of Chat Chew & Chocolate, organized the retreat and invited speakers (Ali Vincent from the reality show The Biggest Loser; Martha Beck, writer for Oprah magazine; Randi Smith-Todorovski, martial arts and yoga instructor; and your own Dr.RKG, to teach, lead and participate in dynamic conversations, experiential exercises and workshops.

We practiced yoga and meditated, ate chocolate and fabulous health food, and, we shared our stories. We told stories of each of us bearing pain and loss. Each of us discovering how to move forward and be the extraordinary women we were meant to be.

Creating the balance of rest and play became one of the central themes, so that we are filled, rejuvenated and able to go back in an empowered way into the multiple roles we assume as women.

Martha Beck talked about Athena the Goddess of Wisdom as being a wonderful metaphor for women today. She explained that we are moving away from the patriarchal order of Zeus the God of War. We need to embrace our emotional and spiritual selves and tap into the collective wisdom of women.

Unlike men – who when stressed enter the “fight or flight response” – women generally have a very different instinctual response to stress called “tend and befriend.” We like to gather with our friends and family and share our experiences. Women by nature are intuitive beings and often ‘steer their course by starlight’.

We are preparing for a transformation of consciousness in an age of wisdom. According to Martha we are entering the new age of enlightenment, which will be championed by women.

Love and compassion alter the experience of pain and suffering. That same love and compassion will guide us through the darkness of war and the destruction of our planet.

To embrace our love and compassion, first we must heal ourselves through self-care and fulfilling relationships. Then when our hearts are full we will be able to overflow healing energy to all the other people in our lives.

Practice going through your day with self-love. Whenever your mind drifts away from that place, gently bring your awareness back to self-love and compassion. This is how we move into the awareness of Athena, the ability to feel our sense of joy, peace and humanity.

What do you need to do to better love yourself?