Getting a difficult medical diagnosis is challenging at best. Elizabeth Kubler Ross wrote extensively about the five stages of grief that accompanies the experience of loss. Although her work originally described the reaction to the death of a loved one, the same cycle applies to those experiencing health issues requiring surgical intervention.

Elizabeth Kubler Ross’s Five Stages of Grief:

• Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
• Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
• Bargaining: “Please God make this not happen and in return I will ____.”
• Depression: “I’m too sad or down to do anything.”
• Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.”

This is a simplistic model of what any of us experience when we are struck with a tough reality that we need to integrate into our consciousness. The process of getting a difficult diagnosis or dealing with any loss issue is considerably messier and less predictable than the one Kubler Ross describes. Nevertheless all of these five stages appear eventually on the horizon of one’s experience.

Learning about a difficult medical diagnosis can be challenging, but like most things, being prepared makes the process a lot less daunting.

How to prepare for surgery and manage post-operatively:

• Keep a positive attitude. People who are facing surgery undoubtedly experience fear, worry and anxiety. Keeping a positive attitude can help lessen those emotions. Write a few affirmations pertaining to your surgery and repeat them often. Focus on a positive outcome. When your mind wanders away from a positive outcome, give it a gentle nudge back. Peggy Huddleston illuminates mind-body techniques that help patients mentally prepare for surgery and in turn, heal faster.

• Use meditation as an effective tool to mentally prepare for surgery and to handle difficult situations after surgery. When meditating focus your thoughts on breathing, calmness, and healing.

• Talk about your fears and apprehension with a relative or friend. Verbalizing your feelings can make a profound difference on your inner experience, even when nothing changes externally. A partner or friend you can talk with openly and honestly will diminish the intensity of complicated feelings around a surgery.

• Rely on your faith. If you are religious put your trust in God and leave the surgery in His/Her hands. Ask family members and friends to pray for you during the surgery and afterwards for a full and speedy recovery. Even if they do not share your religious beliefs you can still derive benefits from other’s prayers. Have faith in the surgeon’s ability as well as your body’s ability to heal.

• Consult with your physician regarding any concerns you have about your health condition or the surgery. He/she can answer any questions you may have and help to alleviate your fears. Your physician will understand your feelings and will be happy to reassure you in any way possible.

• Surround yourself with loving, supportive people. You may feel like keeping your upcoming surgery to yourself but it may actually be best to share the information with friends and co-workers. If they are aware of your health condition and surgery they will no doubt support, encourage you, and offer their assistance to help you and/or your family. Knowing that you have people who love and care for you can be the best preparation.

• Get informed. Learn everything you can about your health condition and the surgical procedure. Being informed is being prepared.

• Talk to other people that you trust who have had the same surgery. Glean from those conversations kernels of information that might be of value to you while keeping in mind that no two people experience a surgery in the same way.

What strategies do you employ to get through periods of grief and anxiety?

How do you discover your creative talents? Here are 10 steps you can take to nurture your signature abilities and interests. Realizing your instinctive creative expression can be a deeply satisfying journey and a way of developing your inner self. Uncensored creative expression often leads to feeling a greater sense of balance, happiness and fulfillment.

The 10 Steps to Greater Creativity

1. Think about a medium – like painting, writing, film-making, music, drawing, quilting, dancing, jewelry-making, photography or any other art or craft – that you have thought of pursuing, but life always seemed to get in the way. If necessary, invest in enough materials to complete one project.
2. Visualize being able to express yourself imaginatively before beginning your session – like warming up before a workout.
3. Reshape your inner voice around your interests. For example, rather than listing all the reasons you don’t have time or cannot possibly add another project, carve out 15 minutes each day to devote to your creative endeavor. Commit to doing this for at least six weeks.
4. Conceive and repeat an affirmation (a simple positive phrase) about your ability to successfully express yourself in your chosen creative medium. For example “I can draw, write, paint…” “I have talents and abilities that I am going to express.” “I am an artist.”
5. Incorporate mind-mapping into your project. This technique involves the use of notes, icons, images, and keywords to map ideas and relationships between them, rather than more typical outlines. This allows you to plan your creative project using free association rather than an outline, which is more about linear thinking. It helps you to see the layout of your project more clearly than by merely imagining or writing down your thoughts.
6. Join a group of like-minded artists or crafts people for support and collaboration. Working with others interested in a particular artistic form adds to the creativity pool and also offers the benefit of building relationships around a common interest.
7. Observe and study other creative and talented people in your chosen medium for ideas, perspective and inspiration.
8. Exercise your creative mind by using your brain frequently in a variety of ways. Cross-train your brain by experimenting with other imaginative avenues. Learning other tangentially related art forms can add dimension to your own artistic expressiveness. For example, a photographer might try painting or a jewelry maker might try sculpture.
9. Creativity is a journey that can continue to evolve throughout the life cycle. Building some creative time into your everyday life can be rejuvenating, exhilarating and can improve productivity in other more demanding parts of your life.
10. Notice when your efforts begin to flow and feel more like fun or play rather than the work of learning something new. Allow yourself to unleash your creative juices without censorship. Find ways to reward yourself for your accomplishments.

What creative undertaking would you like to explore?

Physical activity has always been a saving grace for me. As a teenager I loved swimming in the summers and running along the beach with my dog whenever I could.

One day while meandering through the Brooklyn College bookstore I discovered a book on the practice of yoga. As I read that book, gleaning various breathing techniques and dynamic postures, something clicked. I learned to stretch and move through space while deepening my breath and gradually becoming more skilled at slowing down.

Growing up in NYC I knew that I needed to acquire some tools in harnessing my energy and exercising in a purposeful way. My yoga practice seemed to bridge the gap between exercise and mindfulness.

Over time, I alternated brisk walking with the occasional run. My body, in time, rebelled against anything but modest running but I remained faithful to walking. During the kinder New England weather I continue to swim and bike. Even when I skip days or occasionally weeks, I always manage my way back to exercising. I am grateful for having incorporated these physical activities into my life, as they have always served me well psychologically and physically.

The dilemma for me is not how do I motivate myself to work out, but rather what to do to boost my spirits if I cannot break a sweat and feel the multitude of benefits that I derive from movement.

Facing an injury has an emotional impact

Recently I suffered an injury for which I ended up needing surgery. Several months have elapsed since I have been able to do my usual routine, which I’ve come to rely upon for stabilizing my moods, energy, concentration and, dare I say, sense of self. Physical exercise puts so many things into perspective for me, that it is hard to identify all the ways I have recently been blindsided due to my lack of activity.

The question is what does one do, when there is an injury, surgery or disability and when one cannot resort to the powerful benefits of this elixir.

“No exercise,” the doctor ordered. This did not completely sink in until after the surgery. “We’ll see how things go in a few weeks.” My heart sank. At first I thought I’d just stay in bed, write when possible, and in a week I would get back to my routine. Toughing out the depravation of those “feel good chemicals” (serotonin, dopamine and epinephrine) through lack of exercise wouldn’t be that challenging. I quickly learned that the healing process would take longer than anticipated and that I needed help.

7 important lessons for feeling good when you’re unable to exercise.

1. When you are injured and/or bedridden, ask friends for help, especially from the ones that make you laugh and feel good. Laughter and good energy from friends releases those feel good chemicals.
2. Allow your wonderful friends and neighbors to help with meals. I don’t like to ask for help, but I’ve learned it vastly beats the alternative. When you ask you not only get the help needed, but it is generally fun. The giver and the receiver both benefit.
3. Remind yourself to say and repeat affirmations, because whatever you are going through will improve and you will feel better with a positive mental attitude.
4. Watch movies that make you feel good and laugh. Laughter also boosts your immune system and will help you to heal faster.
5. Write in a gratitude journal all the things in your day that you appreciate. This will keep you out of the darker place of feeling sorry for yourself, especially while you can’t work out, blow off steam and are dependent on others.
6. Several minutes of meditation 1-2x day will help you to relax and put things into perspective. Sometimes an injury and being laid up give you the opportunity to rethink priorities.
7. Allow your body to relax, rest and sleep. You’ll heal faster and feel more charged when the time is right for a gradual transition back into physical activity. In other words, do everything you can to honor your body, mind, spirit and friendships during the healing process.

What do you do to manage most successfully during those times when you can not exercise?

“Mindful” exercise, walks or workouts are flow activities. They create a shift in consciousness through physical activity. Think of physical activity not just as a way to stay fit or look better, but as a sacred time for you to devote away from the pressures of everyday life. Your body needs to be exercised and your mind and spirit need to be rejuvenated – all of which can be accomplished in taking a mindful walk, yoga or Pilates class, a bike ride, swim, dance class or a multitude of other forms of exercise.

Getting yourself set to be fully present in your work out brings added value to the experience. Perhaps a moment or two of abdominal breathing first can help you to change gears and become more aligned with the physical activity you are about to undertake. For example watching the rise and fall of the breath for a couple of minutes before exercise gets you more in the mood and probably allows for a more efficient and fulfilling workout.

Even a brief meditation (2-3-minutes) can have a significant impact on moving you away from the stress of everyday life and more into the zone of getting an optimal workout.

Similarly saying an affirmation before working out can also foster a shift in perspective and allows for an experience that is more deeply engaging. Saying a positive self-statement helps align the mind, body and spirit in the exercise. An example of an affirmation about yourself and what is to come might be, “I feel fully in my body and am going to have a great workout.” Then visualize yourself in that way for a moment before engaging in your workout. Notice the results.

In other posts I have discussed the positive benefits of meditation and abdominal breathing and affirmations in the psychological, physical and spiritual domains. When you bring these mindfulness tools and combine them with exercise the effects can be multiplicative.

How might you enhance the effects of your next workout?

“I’m such a loser.” “I look fat.” “Why do I always say so many stupid things?” Lisa repeatedly put herself down and reported feeling increasingly despondent when things went wrong. For years she thought of her life in the most negative light and, not surprisingly, was becoming increasingly anxious.

Lisa judged herself harshly for her parenting skills, saying she was a terrible mother especially when conflicts arose with her teenage son. Social situations were also challenging and Lisa often berated herself afterward.

When Lisa came to therapy, we talked about the roots of this self-defeating behavior. Lisa needed to learn how to self-regulate, quiet her critical inner voice when negative thoughts began to intrude and develop the ability to think more positively.

Lisa tried meditation on several occasions but this technique did not suit her well. She desired a skill that felt more active and goal directed. She clearly wanted to work on changing specific behaviors.

Self-Hypnosis as a Solution

Many of us make negative suggestions to ourselves consciously and unconsciously throughout the day. Self-hypnosis involves programming the mind with positive thoughts and suggestions that, when practiced regularly, train us to perceive ourselves in a more favorable way. This can reduce feelings of inadequacy and anxiety as well as promote feelings of relaxation, self-esteem, and self-control.

Self-hypnosis typically uses affirmations or simple positive statements. For example “I am a competent woman and I can handle this.” This statement repeated throughout the day is a powerful affirmation. When used as part of the self-hypnosis technique described below, the mind is even more receptive to such suggestions as it is in more of a trance-like state. Affirmations and self-hypnosis both build a positive outlook.

While a self-induced hypnotic state may not be quite as deep as being hypnotized by someone else, it does allow you to remain in control so that you continue making relevant suggestions to yourself and shaping your behavior.

The Technique of Self-Hypnosis

• Hypnotizing yourself requires only that you have a private environment, at least in the earliest learning stages. Once you become familiar with this method, it can be practiced just about anywhere and anytime.
• Think about a behavior that you would like to change. Create a simple and positive statement about this change. It helps to write it down.
• Eliminate distractions.
• Sit in a comfortable chair and relax.
• Close your eyes and allow your entire body to sink into the chair.
• Count down slowly from 5-4-3-2-1. When you count down, relax your mind and body more deeply. Relax yourself from the top of your head to your feet.
• Feel the full weight of your body being supported by the chair.
• Now repeat the simple, positive statement you created at the beginning of this exercise and slowly repeat it to yourself.
• Involve all of your senses as you imagine yourself in this positive way.
• Spend a few minutes in this deepened state.
• When you are ready, count up from 1-2-3-4-5 feeling more relaxed, refreshed and revitalized than before you began the technique. You might want to repeat those or similar words to help you to ease out of this state of mind.
• Notice how you are feeling. With practice you will become more proficient at eliciting a relaxation response and internalizing these positive suggestions.

While it might be difficult to eradicate negative thoughts completely, we do have the power to create a greater repertoire of positive messages which will become internalized with practice over time.

I recommended self-hypnosis to Lisa as a way of dealing with her negative self-talk. Lisa resonated with this exercise and now practices it regularly. Self-hypnosis continues to help the relationship with her son, in social situations, and most importantly, with her own private thoughts.

Think of a simple, positive statement regarding something you want to change about yourself. Please share your experiences with self-hypnosis.

Affirmations can be used to bring positive and lasting change to your life. Every thought you have supports your mind in creating your moment to moment reality. Our beliefs are learned thought patterns that we have developed since childhood. Some of these thoughts patterns support our everyday life experiences and others sabotage us from achieving our goals and dreams.

Affirmations do not necessarily undo the early negative messages that we internalized, but they do allow us to build a repertoire of positive statements that can override them. This can be achieved by incorporating affirmations into our everyday lives.

Affirmations are simple, positive phrases that are repeated often to oneself. It is best to do this by taking a few deep breaths to calm your mind and body. Then repeat the affirmation to yourself as needed.

Some examples of affirmations:

“I have everything I need right now.”

“I feel loved and loving.”

“I am grateful for everything I have in this moment.”

“I am safe and at peace.”

“I choose to take this action.”

What affirmation would be meaningful for you to build into your day today?

Years ago while in college I used to begin my day with unconscious negativity. While getting ready for school, I would look in the mirror and say something like “Your skin looks lousy today.” “You look really tired.” “This is going to be an unbearably long day juggling work and school.” From the start I felt defeated. I didn’t realize how these thoughts were contributing to feeling bad about myself or the possibilities of the day.

On a whim I took a yoga class with a girlfriend more for exercise than for spiritual enlightenment. It was there that I was introduced to the idea of creating a positive state of mind with my own thoughts. I learned about the power of affirmations. At the time it was a complete shock to me that I could control my thoughts. I decided to give it a go.

My very first affirmation that I used while in my early twenties was, “I am whole and integrated.” I repeated this affirmation religiously as I swam laps, ran around the reservoir or just sat still. I decided to stick with this affirmation until I truly felt whole, healed and integrated. Eventually it did begin to feel true.

Since then I’ve learned much about the neurological changes that occur with one’s thoughts. There is an abundance of literature that now confirms the notion that your thoughts fire up different parts of the brain. When you consciously choose to change these thoughts different parts of the brain fire up accordingly. This suggests that with enough practice you can change the way the brain fires. That is, you can change a negative perspective to a more positive one with practice. WOW!

I particularly like the affirmation said by World War II’s empowered Rosie the Riveter, “I can do this.” Whenever I find myself feeling overwhelmed or facing a new challenge, I remind myself, “Okay Randy, you can do this!” It always seems to help and sometimes brings the added benefit of making me laugh.

You can foster the idea that the glass is half empty or half full. It all depends upon the thoughts that you choose to entertain. That which you focus on will inevitably become stronger. So it behooves us to bring our attention to the more positive perspective.Thoughts are powerfully involved in creating moment to moment reality.  Some of these thought patterns support our everyday life experiences and others sabotage us from achieving our goals and dreams. Which do you choose and what are your observations?

Wishing you love and inspiration,

It’s possible to fire up your brain positively or negatively. Your thoughts shape your inner experience. Frequent use of affirmations helps keep you motivated and focused on the positive, in matters of love, work, or health.

Affirmations facilitate a more optimistic perspective and create a fertile condition for transforming one’s inner experience. They can be used to bring positive and lasting change to your life. Affirmations are simple, positive phrases that are repeated often to oneself. They form the core for developing the power of positive thinking. It is best to write down a phrase that represents something you are working towards. It helps to feel and believe that your desire has already been achieved. This kind of positive thinking accelerates the realization of your affirmation.

Then repeat your phrase as often as you want, after taking a few deep breaths to calm your mind and body. The repetition and the associated mental imagery influence the unconscious mind. Eventually this transforms one’s self-perception, behaviors, habits, actions and reactions.

All of our beliefs are learned thought patterns that we have developed since childhood. Affirmations positively influence the way you think and behave in the world. They do not necessarily undo the early negative messages that we internalized. However, affirmations do allow us to build a repertoire of positive statements that can ultimately override some of the earlier negative messages.

My recommendation is that you choose an affirmation that has meaning to you and practice it often. When you feel its effects and are ready to modify or change the statement then move on to another. You can build a library of affirmations that you use as needed. I have used them before giving a lecture, giving birth, delivering a difficult message to someone, or taking on just about any new challenge.

Some other affirmations:

• I have enough, I am enough.
• I feel loved and loving.
• I am surrounded by light and love.
• I feel strong, balanced and calm.

Think about an affirmation that is meaningful to you. Write it down and notice how it works for you. Please feel free to share your observations.

Wishing you love and inspiration,